Golden Retrievers... Clumsy?

According to Planet Dog: a doglopedia, Golden Retrievers rank #8 in the list of the 10 Clumsiest Dogs!

I rather differ with that characterization! I prefer to think that I have an unbridled joy for life, and an unhibited, nonchalant, and playful disposition!

Here are the other maligned families:

1. Chocolate Labrador
2. Staffordshire Bull Terrier
3. Rottweiler
4. Springer Spaniel
5. German Shepherd crossbreed
6. Cocker Spaniel
7. German Shepherd
8. Golden Retriever
9. Border Collie
10. Yorkshire Terrier

A Golden Retriever Joke

A woman and her golden retriever walk into a pub and sidle up to the bar. The woman announces to the bartender that the golden can talk. The bartender says, "Ma'am, if you're dog can talk, I'll buy you both a beer!"

The woman says, "It's a deal!", turns to the golden retriver and asks, "What's the structure over our heads called?". The golden looks up, thinks a moment and says, "Roof".

The bartender is unimpressed. So, the woman turns again to the dog and asks, "Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?". The golden thinks a moment and replies, "Ruth".

With that answer, the bartender abruptly escorts both the woman and her dog to the curb, at which time the golden looks up at the bartender and says...

"DiMaggio?".

Mom Left Me Home Today...

when she went out to run errands. I was upset at first and I pouted a little.

But I danced my happy dance when she got home!

She brought home two boxes of Buddy Biscuits... Molasses Madness!

I love Mom.

THIS Golden Retriever's Thoughts on Grooming

Mom made casual mention that my good friend, Shy-knee, has an appointment for a day of beauty tomorrow, at her local salon. While she might have mentioned it casually, I know the point Mom was trying to make. And that made me paws to think about grooming.

While I am quite the ballerina and girly girl, and I take pride in my natural beauty and golden locks, I have very definite opinions about grooming rituals that are good and right... and those that are just plain overkill, even for a princess like me.

1. Full baths are an unnecessary evil. I mean, are these just an attempt to punish and humiliate me? What did I do so wrong??? Answer me that, and I'll take a bath willingly. Full baths can easily be avoided by graceful dips in lakewater, joyful leaps in the ocean surf, and even by dawdling outside in the spring rains! Besides, too many baths remove the natural oils that are necessary for a good coat. And I don't have to tell you how I feel about a good coat!
2. Blow drying should be a criminal offense. I'm all about the right to bear arms, but that gun oughta be outlawed. I'm willing to be corralled in a tight space in close proximity to Mom, so long as she's not armed with a brush in one hand and a blow dryer in the other!
3. A half bath (or as Mom calls it... a cheater's bath) ain't half bad. That's when she uses those fresh smelling paper things and wipes me down. The best things I can say about a half bath: it's over quick, I don't smell half bad when it's over, and it IS attention!
4. A spit bath is ideal. Lord knows that I love a spit bath. That's when Mom takes a wet washcloth and cleans around my mouth, ears, armpits and paws. I get these every night in the summer months, it's totally quick and painless, and a great way to cool down!
5. The hairbrush is alluring. Its sight makes my knees weaken, quite literally. Here are the rules: Head, ok. Ears, ok. Neck and back, great. Chest, great. Sides, good. Legs, you're pushing it. Backs of the legs and tail, OFF LIMITS! Remember, when you people go to the salon, you ALL sit and protect your backside. Where does it say that feathering must be without natural curl? Show me a book about the breed standard, and I'll bite your nose!
6. De-tangling is quick and relatively painless. I rarely get mats (maybe one or two in my life), but Mom has this comb that with one or two quick strokes... out comes a clump of hair. It's a small price to pay for protecting your behind while being brushed.
7. Having my teeth brushed isn't too bad, because the toothpaste... well, it tastes just like chicken (snicker)! And after all, I only have mine brushed once a week; Mom's teeth must be dirtier... she brushes them several times a day. Now THAT's overkill.
8. Having my teeth cleaned is another thing all together. I mean, is this grooming? Or SURGERY? First, I don't like Mom dropping me off ANYwhere. Second, they knock me out and scrape my teeth? I love that Mom picks me up and spends the rest of the day with me, but that's little consolation for the trauma.
9. Toe nail clipping is a good thing. I mean, I don't tread on hard surfaces so much, so my delicate nails sometimes need clipping (for my own comfort and for the sake of our 50 year old waxed hardwood floors). I don't know why Mom has such anxiety around the process... she will sometimes clip the tips, but most often takes me somewhere to have them clipped.
10. Nothing says loving like lotion on the paws. Yeah, I don't think it's all that necessary, but there is just something about your Mom rubbing lotion on your paws that makes you feel, not just pampered, but ADORED.
11. Eye boogies must be cleared immediately, if not sooner! Several times a day is a good schedule, depending on windy conditions, airborne allergens and the state of the dusty perimeter trail.

Of course, I will consult with my pal Shy-knees, to see how she feels about her "day of beauty". She might have a different take. After all... HER mom takes HER to a spa!!!!

Midnight Calling

I had a midnight calling last night. It wasn't pleasant.

I woke Mom up at midnight last night, with a pitiful whimper of pain. She got up immediately, disarmed the alarm and followed me outside.

I made a mad dash into the yard. It was a horrible case of sloopy poopy. Mom sat patiently and watched me. I returned to her and then to the door as soon as I thought it was over.

We went in and went back to bed. I laid very close to Mom. I heard her saying a prayer over me, and I rolled my head over to put my nose on her cheek. I heaved a loud sigh and went back to sleep, but I'm not so sure she did. I felt her checking on me the rest of the night... after all, she's a Mom.

I woke up with sunshine in my soul, Mom not so much so. She didn't feed me very much, and then she sat outside while I meandered and sniffed and did my daily routine. I didn't give her any reason to worry further, but something tells me she did... ALL DAY at work.

Sammy Takes The Lead By Five Noses

(and five tails!)

Sammy..........10

Comet..........5

Squirrels..........-15

Discounting death and annihilation, as I rather believe that Sammy is avenging the destruction, trespass and illegal inhabitancy of my abode/attic...

Isn't he an absolute hunk???!

A Golden Retriever's Thoughts: The Telephone

Daylight

Talk all you want, but let's go outside. You can sit on the porch and chat. I'll bark like a junkyard dog in sight of an intruder, but you go ahead and carry on your conversation!

Dark

Talk should be limited to brief conversations relating to the following subjects:

1. Sometimes there are emergencies, and I fully understand. I trust you in that regard and will remain as quiet as a mouse.
2. Scheduling a doggy friendly vacation.
3. Scheduling a playdate or walk in the park.
4. Scheduling my people to come stay with us.
5. Checking the stock of my favorite treats at the doggy grocery store.
6. Ordering cool toys by phone.
7. FOOD DELIVERIES! (I don't care... pizza, wings, Chinese... it's ALL good by me!).

All other occasions:

1. A ringing phone need not be answered. After all, you're on MY time now.
2. Should you take or make a call, my first defense is a demand to go outside, stir up my pals, stalk a frog, eat some poop, chase a rat, spot a possum, tree a cat... or if all else fails, hide and ignore Mom in a dark corner.
3. Otherwise, there's no better place for me than your lap.
4. It only takes one hand to hold a phone. Your other hand isn't doing anything, so rub my tummy while I wallow and snort loudly.
5. If that other hand remains idle...well, ignore me and I'll BARK.
6. Where IS my obnoxious talking (never-say-die) gorilla???! Or what about my gangster toys... "How ya doin, How ya doin, How ya doin"... and the notorious, "You talkin to me?, You talkin to me?, You talking to me?"???! In a pinch, my "I love you. I love you. I love you." heart will suffice.
7. Move the blinds around with your nose. For some reason, that's a sound that annoys people. (heehee).
8. Bark out the front window, with all of the emotion (joy, anger... whatever) in my heart, BARK!
9. If that fails, BARK out the back!
10. If that fails, bark in Mom's ear!
11. Circle the house restlessly, then disappear.
12. And when all else fails, plop down in desparation... sigh loudly and utilize the notorious GUILT TACTIC. It IS, after all, the tool that ALWAYS works.

A Golden Retriever's Thoughts: Sofa Pillows

As a puppy:

1. Great teething material.
2. Excellent substitution in warmer climates for snow.
3. Fun to attack and foil their diabolical plot.
4. Excellent hiding place for chewies.
5. If you have it, I want it.
6. If your head is on it, so must my whole body.

As an adult:

1. I don't get Mom's aesthetic arrangement.
2. Re-shaping square pillows is my specialty.
3. In a big chair, perfect under me.
4. If the chair is too small, the pillow goes on the floor.
5. On a sofa, a couple is all I need.
6. Best on the floor, in all instances, once the nap is over.
7. Those that impede the relaxation process are best on the floor.
8. Excellent hiding place for chewies.
9. If our head is on it, so must my whole body.

Golden Retriever Recipe for a Perfect Day

(16 things Mom could learn from me!)

Each day should consist of:

1. Leisurely waking.
2. A good stretch upon rising.
3. Smooching and lovey dovey time, a-plenty.
4. Two good, filling and timely meals (and maybe a snack or two in between).
5. Lots of cool fresh water.
6. Persnickety attention to the calls of nature. (hey... I can hold it forever, but when I go, I want to go in just the right place).
7. Lots of talking and a little singing.
8. Answering to the joy in your heart, however it may lead you.
9. Work a little and play a LOT.
10. A couple of nice peaceful naps, preferably in a dark room or even in a sunny window sill.
11. Curiosity and challenge, obsessing over neither, and dropping both for a run at the food bowl or the chance to smooch.
12. Wallowing and snorting. In fact, nothing's better than a good wet sneeze!
13. A little time (a very little time) spent on grooming.
14. A little running, a little television, a little window watching and a little barking.
15. A bone-deep sigh upon retiring for the night.
16. Peaceful slumber lying as close as possible to the one you love the most.

Blonde Joke

A Chow Chow friend of mine told me a funny joke
(my apologies in advance to all of Mom's cute blonde friends):

What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A Golden Retriever.

Update: Isaac Newton Studies

A note to those who check in regularly:
Isaac Newton Studies are still being conducted.
Stay tuned for further updates!

Activity v. Rest

Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction:

Activity v. Rest

Activity.
Ahem. I am a golden retriever. I am active. It's a fact to which there is no dispute. I believe my extreme level of activity is well documented in these web records. Visitors might sometimes think that I'm HYPERactive, due to my no-holds-barred enthusiasm and welcome-wagon sense of duty, but in reality, I'm just a very busy girl.

Rest.
What can I say? I sleep EVERY BIT AS HARD as I work and play.

If Isaac Newton Had Studied A Golden Retriever, Introduction

Sir Isaac Newton concluded: Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction.

It's been a rather dreary day today, and I've spent my Sunday divided in restless pursuit of restless squirrels balanced with peaceful contemplation of the laws of nature.

We watch quite a bit of news in this house and I've grown accustomed to ratings weeks, expose's and the fact that interest in sigh-ins is important to my generation.

So, this week I'll give you my interpretation of Sir Isaac Newton's theory, as it applies to the typical golden retriever. It's an interesting study, and I hope you will stay tuned.

Golden Retrievers and Their Celebrity Folks

This weekend is Oscar weekend, so I thought I'd sniff out my fellow goldens that have celebrity parents, and this is a little of what I dug up:

Star: Pamela Anderson

Cheeseburger (mmmmm): Jimmy Buffett

Sol: Neil Diamond

Fawn Hall (heehee): Dennis Quaid

Boomer (surprised Mom didn't name ME this!): Henry Stern (NYC Parks Commissioner)

Ajax (my competitor... get it???): Livingston Taylor (singer, songwriter and also multi-instrumental musician)

Pluto: John Larroquette

Molson (slurrrrrrp): Kristine Lily (1996 Olympic Gold Medallist in Soccer)

Twenty Fun Things To Do When Mom Is Home Sick

1. Bring her toys.
2. Lay on the clicker.
3. Sigh loudly.
4. At her slightest movement, jump up suddenly and run to the back door.
5. Come back and stare at her from her side of the bed.
6. When she lets you out, pray on her weakness and refuse to come back in.
7. Run in circles, restlessly through the house.
8. Move the blinds back and forth in the windows.
9. Lie quietly in the bed beside her, then abruptly bark... at the meter reader, a squirrel, a bird, a leaf... or nothing at all.
10. Throw a party when she drags herelf into the kitchen to prepare something to eat.
11. Follow her into the bathroom, wagging your tail and smiling.
12. Better yet, take her place in bed when she goes to the bathroom.
13. Jump off the bed and insist that she lets you back up on her side.
14. Lick the end of the thermometer.
15. Growl that growl you growl when you see her hands idle and you want to be rubbed.
16. Lay your head on her head.
17. Hog the bed.
18. Stand up on the bed between her and the ringing phone on the other side of the bed.
19. Disappear. Suspiciously disappear.
20. When her office calls, bark happily as if you are having the best "snow" day ever!

A Golden Retriever's Weather Commentary: SUNSHINE

Today's forecast: BLUE SKIES AND SUNSHINE

GOOD: I get to stay outside most of the day.

GOOD: I get to see Sammy.

GOOD: Lots of interesting sounds outside... music, laughter and garden tools.

GOOD: I get to chase squirrels across the yard.

GOOD: I get to take a nap inside, with my head in a sunny windowsill.

GOOD: Someone's cooking something good!!!

IT'S ALL GOOD!

A Golden Retriever's Weather Commentary: RAIN

Today's forecast: RAIN

GOOD: Getting wet is fun.
BAD: Mom constantly badgering... "PORCH. PORCH. PORCH." is not so fun.

GOOD: Getting dried off is fun.
BAD: Having feet wiped is not so fun.

GOOD: Flushing squirrels out of my window sills is fun.
BAD: There are squirrels in my window sills!

GOOD: Mom doesn't leave to do her normal errands.
BAD: She restricts my outdoor activity.

GOOD: Taking a nap on a gloomy day is relaxing.
BAD: I'd rather be outside!

Who's in the doghouse?!

Mom left thirty minute early for work this morning.

Mom was an hour and a half late coming home from work.

Any other questions?

Do Golden Retrievers Smile?

I was reading somewhere on the doggynet, about a debate amongst humans... "Do golden retrievers smile?"...

What do YOU think?

Wise Words from President Truman

"If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." —President Harry S Truman

Seeing as how it's President's Day, and I didn't get to greet the mailman today (snicker), I had a little extra time to do some research.

Here's a list of animals who had Presidents:

George Washington: Polly the parrot; 36 hounds; horses
John Adams: horses
Thomas Jefferson: a mockingbird; two bear cubs, a gift from Lewis and Clark
James Madison: Macaw the parrot; sheep
James Monroe: a spaniel
John Quincy Adams: an alligator; silkworms
Andrew Jackson: horses named Truxton, Sam Patches, Emily, Lady Nashville, and Bolivia; Pol the parrot; ponies
Martin Van Buren: two tiger cubs
William Henry Harrison: a goat; a cow
John Tyler: Le Beau, a greyhound; a horse named The General
James Knox Polk: a horse
Zachary Taylor: Old Whitey the horse
James Buchanan: Lara, a Newfoundland; an eagle; an elephant
Abraham Lincoln: Jack the turkey; goats named Nanny and Nanko; ponies; cats; dogs; pigs; a white rabbit
Andrew Johnson: white mice (editor's note... ewwwwww!)
Ulysses S. Grant: Faithful, a Newfoundland; horses named Jeff Davis, Julia, Jennie, Mary, Butcher Boy, Cincinnatus, Egypt, and St. Louis; ponies named Reb and Billy Button; pigs; dogs; a parrot; roosters
Rutherford B. Hayes: Siam, a Siamese cat; Grim, a greyhound; Duke, an English mastiff; Hector, a Newfoundland; Dot, a terrier; canaries; cows; horses; goats; other dogs
James Garfield: Kit the horse; Veto (editor's note... snicker) the dog; fish
Grover Cleveland: a poodle; canaries and mockingbirds
Benjamin Harrison: Dash the dog; Whiskers the goat; dogs; an opossum
William McKinley: a parrot; an Angora cat and her kittens
Theodore Roosevelt: Sailor Boy, a Chesapeake Bay retriever (editor's note... close in my ancestry!); Manchu, a Pekingese; Skip, a mutt; terriers named Jack and Pete; cats named Tom Quartz and Slippers; Josiah the badger; Algonquin the pony; Eli the macaw; Jonathan the piebald rat (editor's note... did Sailor Boy know???) Emily Spinach, a garter snake; twelve horses; five bears; five guinea pigs; other snakes; two kangaroo rats; lizards; roosters; an owl; a flying squirrel; a raccoon; a coyote; a lion; a hyena; a zebra
William Taft: Pauline Wayne the cow
Woodrow Wilson: Old Ike the ram; sheep; chickens; cats
Warren Harding: Laddie Boy, an Airedale; Old Boy, a bulldog; canaries
Calvin Coolidge: Peter Pan, a terrier; Paul Pry (née Laddie Buck), an Airedale; Calamity Jane, a sheepdog; Boston Beans, a bulldog; King Cole, a shepherd; Palo Alto, a birder; collies named Rob Roy (née Oshkosh), Prudence Prim, Ruby Rough, and Bessie; chows named Blackberry and Tiny Tim; canaries named Nip, Tuck, and Snowflake; cats named Bounder, Tiger, and Blacky; raccoons named Rebecca and Horace; Ebeneezer, a donkey (Mom would love Ebeneezer); Smokey, a bobcat; Old Bill, a thrush; Enoch, a goose; a mockingbird; a bear; an antelope; a wallaby; a pygmy hippo; some lion cubs
Herbert Hoover: Glen, a collie; Yukon, a malamute; Patrick, an Irish wolfhound; Eaglehurst Gillette, a setter; Weejie, an elkhound; fox terriers named Big Ben and Sonnie; shepherds named King Tut and Pat; an opossum
Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Fala, a Scottish terrier; Meggie, a Scottish terrier; Major, a German shepherd; Winks, a Llewellyn setter; Tiny, an English sheepdog; President, a Great Dane; Blaze, a mastiff
Harry S Truman: Feller “the unwanted dog” (adopted by Truman's personal physician) (editor's note... evidently he didn't want a friend in Washington!); Mike, an Irish setter (belonged to Margaret Truman)
Dwight D. Eisenhower: Heidi, a Weimaraner
John F. Kennedy: Tom Kitten the cat; Robin the canary; Zsa Zsa the rabbit; Sardar the horse; ponies named Macaroni, Tex, and Leprechaun; parakeets named Bluebell and Marybelle; hamsters named Debbie and Billie; Charlie, a Welsh terrier, plus dogs named Pushinka, Shannon, Wolf, and Clipper, plus Pushinka and Charlie's pups: Blackie, Butterfly, Streaker, and White Tips
Lyndon Johnson: Him and Her, beagles; Freckles, a beagle (Him's pup); Blanco, a collie; Edgar, a mutt (née J. Edgar); Yuki, a mutt; hamsters and lovebirds
Richard Nixon: Checkers, a cocker spaniel; Vicky, a poodle; Pasha, a terrier; King Timahoe, an Irish setter; fish
Gerald Ford: Liberty, a Golden retriever (editor's note... smart man, President Ford!); Chan, a Siamese Cat
Jimmy Carter: Grits the dog; Misty Malarky Ying Yang, a Siamese cat
Ronald Reagan; Rex, a King Charles spaniel; Lucky, a Bouvier des Flandres sheepdog
George H. W. Bush: Millie, a Springer spaniel; Ranger, one of Millie's pups
Bill Clinton: Socks the cat; Buddy, a chocolate Labrador retriever
George W. Bush: Spot, a Springer spaniel, born in the White House in 1989 to George H. W. Bush's Millie (died Feb. 21, 2004); Barney, a Scottish terrier; India (“Willie”) the cat. The Bushes' orange-striped polydactyl cat Ernie was judged too wild for White House life and now lives with a family in California. In 2004, the President gave his wife Laura a Scottish terrier puppy named Miss Beazley for the First Lady's birthday.

Punxsutawney Phil was right! Winter is back!

Well, according to Ole Phil, we're in for another month of winter. At first I didn't believe him, since my yard is full of blooming azaleas, magnolias and lillies. But after this weekend, I think the ole boy knows what he's talking about!

According to legend, Groundhog Day is based on an old Scottish couplet: "If Candlemas Day is bright and clear, there'll be two winters in the year." So it goes that every February 2, people gather at Gobbler's Knob, a wooded (as opposed to grassy, I suppose) knoll just outside of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. And according to all who've witnessed, Phil ain't ever been wrong.

According to what I've read, Phil started making predictions in 1887, making him ONE OLD GROUNDHOG!

Green Retriever Puppy

Well, ain't that somethin'...
This little golden was born green!

Wasabi, (chuckle), the lil green pup,
was born to a Golden mom in Alhambro, California, last November.

To those that tend to worry...
Wasabi is completely healthy and doing just fine!

To those that tend to doubt...
the puppy really WAS born green!
And vets say that the coloration of the placenta, which is green,
rubbed off onto the pup's fur during birth.

If you're still curious... or skeptical... check out more photos here!

WOO WOO WOO... My Valentine from Sammy!

Sammy, MY BOYFRIEND...

I would never have thought him to be a shy boy,

but he had THIS VALENTINE GIFT delivered to me!

To Comet, From Sammy. Inscribed on a red heart.

Does this mean what I think it means?

My Sammy!

He knows the path to my heart runs straight through my tummy! He gave me YUMMIES!!!

I love cookies almost as much as...

I LOVE MY SAMMY!!!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.........

There's more to this story. Sammy also got a bath and a shave today! I've always been taken by his boyish good looks, but he's cutting quite a dapper figure this Valentine's Day!

I may woo woo woo him, and then play hard to get... but he knows how I feel!

SAMMY IS MY SPECIAL VALENTINE!

More Valentine's Love for Mom!

What can I say? I'm sneaky and I'm a real treasure in Mom's life (and so are my friends and family!)! I really get around. I sent this card from 150 miles north of here! THIS girl gets around!

Funny story about why I paw-wrote "purple" on the tail!

When my Mom came to see the stork for the first time, there were a bunch of us. She fell in love with me, but I was growing by leaps and bounds (literally) in those days. She spent a couple of hours with me, and was convinced that she and I were destined to play (out) our days together! I needed a little more time with my birth mother (which is a story for another day), so Mom went to the beach. Before leaving, she wanted to make sure I didn't change too much for her to recognize when she got back. So... she and Aunt Susan painted the tip of my tail with a permanent purple marker!

What Mom didn't count on was... I would never forget her! When she came walking up, all tanned and relaxed... I came a'running, purple tail and all! I wasn't going to let her leave without ME!

I love that ole gal!

For Mom on Valentine's Day

My Heart Belongs to YOU, Mom! This is the card I sent from 45 miles south of here. (She can't figure out how I get around, but I have my ways... and REALLY good friends!).

You gotta get "THE SCOOP"!

I love my new POOPER SCOOPER! It's called "THE SCOOP"!

(Who, in the world, do you suppose would steal my old one???)

From what I can tell, this model is highly effective in my yard with thick St Augustine grass... and also helpful to pick up those pesky pecan hulls that hurt my paws!

My POOPER SCOOPER OPERATOR is pretty swell, too!

goldens postulate no. 3

Windy days = Big Eye Boogies

Hey! I LOVE GRAHAM CRACKERS, TOO!

Comet the reindeer

Read the wonderful story of Comet, born April 26, 2002.

Comet is one of Reindeer Games' first two reindeer!
She and Cupid were two weeks when they got them.
And Comet was bottle fed until September 16, 2002
(hmmmm... September 16 is my mother's birthday!
Wow... another strange coincidence!).

More facts:

Comet the reindeer has been in many parades.
Her first baby Rudolph was born May 4, 2004.
Comet loves graham crackers.

Reindeer Names

The Origins of The Reindeer Names

Why were the reindeer called their names?
Here's a short insight:

Dasher: runner up in 1972 Reindeer Olympics
Dancer: ex dancer from the Ministry of Sound
Prancer: reject from a ballet academy
Vixen: foxy kinda reindeer dudette
Comet: a trailblazer in the caribou world
Cupid: match-making beast with romantic tendencies
Donner & Blitzen: victims struck by lightning during a day trip to Berlin
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer: The only reindeer allergic to snow

goldens postulate no. 2

Happiness is a king size bed.

Ozarks MisAdventure: Day Seven, Deer X and Our Return Home

This morning started differently. Mom awoke in a burst. We went for a quick walk. And while I ate my breakfast, she began gathering everything up. Auntie N cleaned and Mom took everything from the cabin and squeezed it compactly into the CRV.

What does this mean for me, I wondered. By that, I don't mean WHETHER I'm going... but WHERE I'm going.

Once in the car, I had a hard time settling down. I was thinking... the beach? Or Home Sweet Home. I would be satisfied with either, but the excitement was too great to contain.

We were going down a steep incline. Mom was commenting to the driver of the truck behind us, to please back off of our bumper. Remember, Auntie N was in the car. I'm pretty sure if it had just been the two of us, her language might have been a little more... explicit.

Then it happened.

Out of the woods on Mom's side of the car... a doe. I could clearly see that "OH NO" look in her eyes as she tried to change her trajectory. Mom was trying to slow down enough that the truck didn't hit us, but that the deer could pass in front of us.

It was not to be.

The doe hit the front fender and bounced back into the ditch on that same side of the road. She slid almost all the way to the bottom of the incline, hopped up and ran back into the woods.

The truck swerved around us in the oncoming lane and almost hit her, but luckily... didn't.

Mom pulled over and had a... meltdown. Remember, Auntie N was in the car. She might have had something different, otherwise.

It was a lot quieter on the way home. Mom stopped at a body shop to make sure we were ok to drive on home. We dropped Auntie N off in Nac and continued on to H-Town.

I slept most of the way. Vacations have a way of taking it out of you.

When we got home, I was relieved. I, leisurely, conducted a border check. The perimeter was secure, my yard and toys were exactly like I left them, and my king size bed is calling my name. Life is good, yet again... at home.

Ozarks Adventure: Day Six, My Trip to Branson!

o-boy-o-boy-o-boy! A road trip!

Mom and Auntie N shopped, and I sniffed and greeted folks.

I love a trip in the car, especially when they're short trips.

This place was like none I've really seen before... lots of old folks, for sure, which is cool. Maybe next year we'll go to Disney Land!

You're probably asking... a trip to the Ozarks, with the colorful changing leaves... and the best you've got to show for is it is THIS photo? What can I say? Mom's the one with the opposable thumbs and forefinger!

We got back to the cabin in time to chow down on more good food and a good nap in front of the tv. Mom seems a little antsy tonight, but I'm not going to worry about it. If something's up, I'll be the first to know.

As I slumber, I'm thinking... if we're not going home, we need to fix this place up with a fenced yard and a little St Augustine.

Ozarks Adventure, Day Five, Mid-Morning: BIG CAT and the Turning Ponit

Mid-morning, Mom decided that she would like to drive into Branson this afternoon and tour the World's Largest Toy Museum.

At this point in the vacation, I had no cares, and a little time to myself would have really been no problem. But Auntie N wasn't feeling well... and as I rested peacefully on the sofa... they decided that Mom would go and Auntie N would C-sit. Whatever...! All's good.

Right about lunchtime, Mom took me on another short hike. I knew the program. This was about me doing what I needed to do. Unfortunately, I didn't much feel like doing those particular things.

We hiked to the cross-trail that leads to the marina and down to the lake. Once there, we turned around and started back to the cabin.

About 100 yards along the return trip, and about 50 feet in front of us... was the BIGGEST CAT I had ever seen. It was solid black, had short to medium length hair and a long straight tail. It walked slowly across the trail, where we had (just moments before) walked.

(Many peoples and other pals have asked me... ) What did I do? I did what any inteligent dog would do. I FROZE IN MY TRACKS. Mom and I quickly developed an alternate plan, and turned back around!

Now don't get me wrong, I have 14 feline cousins and two feline neighbors who like to sleep in my back yard. Had it been one of them... or one just like them, I would have chased it to my heart's content. Oh, and I've read the story about the golden defending his Mom against the mountain lion. I would have done that, too. For sure I would. But I figure, this big old cat was minding his own business, so... so should I!

That's what I figured!

Anyway, we took the trail back to the Marina road and followed it up the mountain. I won't lie, it was rough going. For some reason, we felt safer on a paved road. It was treacherously steep, but we finally made it up to the top of the mountain, where we took a winding road back down to the cabin. Auntie N was a little frantic when we got back, because we were gone so long.

I sighed deeply as I sank into the sofa for a nap, but Mom got on the internet to figure out exactly what we had seen. It turns out that there are many big cats in the Ozarks and what we saw was something called a BLACK PANTHER.

Mom called the cabin management people and according to her, they said, "yeah, so?". After that, all I heard her say was "Hiking is over. We have just been NYE-EVE." I don't know what that means, but I'm thinking if I had known about such big cats before, I probably would have just trotted around the cabin chasing BLACK SQUIRRELS.

Ozarks Adventure: Day Five... Morning Hike, Big Bird and Familiar Sounds

Bed time now is greeted with a heavy sigh by all involved.

I have resolved myself to the fact that there is an exchange for all things. For 24 hours spent with Mom's attention, I must trade a small portion of the real estate I have grown accustomed to having in the sleeping hours. I'm good with it. It is not too much to ask.

But there IS a lingering question... This IS vacation... right? At this point, I don't know. Is this a getaway? Or is this our new home...? As a golden, by my very nature, I hate to reveal any sort of anxiety... But I do wonder...

I know the routine now, and upon waking (and just enough smooching), I wait patiently for Mom to don her hiking clothes. I know the reward... a long, relaxed hike... at whatever pace I choose.

THIS morning, I choose a LONG walk. It is particularly tranquil in sound, but I find interesting scents... side-to-side of the trail. About a quarter of a mile down the trail... Mom stalled just a little. We both heard a low gutteral sort of sound... I looked back at Mom and she said it was probably a bird...

We were nearing the narrowing of the lake toward the big long bridge, and to our right, the sun began to really glisten off of what I could see of the lake between the trees... very far below our elevation.

We reached a little of a clearing... and Mom stopped suddenly, as I flushed a big old bird. He was perched on a guardrail, and was slow to take off but he seemed to just... sail. It was really cool, and Mom seemed in awe. I would later hear Mom tell Auntie N that we had seen "an eagle". I wasn't sure, but it sure wasn't a finch or a dove.

We continued a bit further and reached a steep bank at the highway. It was the first time that I have heard those familiar sounds since last Friday. All's good. We turned around and headed back for the cabin... home.

Ozarks Adventure: Day Four... An outing!

All's good in my world. The bed, though still small, is a pleasant place to land after a busy, busy day. :-)

This day was as those before it. Brisk morning and afternoon hikes. Sweet naps. Constant companionship (my personal favorite). And peaceful evenings.

The only variation today was... an outing! We went for a drive! We drove around the lake, and through the hills, and we just looked at things along the road. It's a lot different from H-town. If you're not going up, you're going down. There don't seem to be so many other peoples, either. I liked it, and my window was cracked just enough for me to put my nose through it.

On the way back to the cabin, we stopped at the foods store. Mom went in, leaving the windows down, and me and Auntie N stayed in the car. I was good. I was quiet. I was very calm.

Until...

This guy, who was parked a space over from us, returned to his car. Then, well, I did it. He never saw me. I laid in wait. And just when he least expected it, I barked (out of mere attention-seeking amusement... but he interpretted it as) ferociously. He might have boomed his pants, but then he turned to Auntie N in the front seat and began to lecture her about restraining me.

Auntie N got mad and told him a thing or two about a thing or two... me, I didn't get my fur ruffled. I was in a seat belt for God's sake. How much more could I be restrained? It wasn't even my protective bark... but my "hey, look at me!" bark!

Peoples have NO sense of humor.

It's ok. Life's good in the Ozarks. (That guy must have been from the big city).

Ozarks Adventure: Day Three... Trails, A Footloose Golden and Mom-Made Burgers

Mom laid down some laws about the bed. I didn't agree, but have felt too tired to really stake additional claims in the middle of the night. Ok, ok... I'll sleep north-south! I like, after all, that there is room for my Lolly!

I'm really getting the hang of this vacation thing:

1. The big chair that Mom moved to the window serves as guard post, squirrel blind, and most excellent napping spot.
2. The space on the sofa between Mom and Auntie N is just enough for me. Head placement should be on equal intervals of rotation, for maximum benefit.
3. Dr. Phil, Oprah and the judge shows are all on tv in the Ozarks. God is good. And so are remotes, opposable thumbs and forefingers.
4. Having my leash hanging by the door is cool. All I have to do is bump it with my nose... and voila! I'm out on the trail!
5. Trails are cool! Wildlife rocks! Sights and scents are enough for me to overlook the... (errrr) rocks.
6. I finally see the beauty of staying on the same side of the tree as Mom!
7. I met a footloose golden! He was really friendly, and it was exciting! I was a tiny bit jealous that he had no string, but later Mom told me that she was afraid she would get lost. I'm good with the string now. I would never want Mom to get lost.
8. Burgers! Can you believe it? Fried chicken, bacon and eggs... and burgers!!!! All in the same week!!!!

Life is GOOD in the Ozarks!

Ozarks Adventure: Day Two... Rocks, Mountains & Boom!

I tell you... that bed ain't getting any bigger. We managed, though, to negotiate "equal" allocations of space. My half was on the pillows. :-)

We woke up as the sun began to filter in the window, and I was anxious to greet the trails!

If you ever wonder where God put most of the rocks and hills in the world, I'm inclined to tell you... the Ozarks. I have roamed on and off the trails, to the high side and to the low side. And there is nothing but more rocks and hearty vegetation. I like it, none the less. There are rock outcroppings and tiny caves and everywhere, trees, trees, trees.

At the far end of our early morning hike, we reached a beautiful lake where there were many large birds. It was peaceful, really. And we rested a bit, just gazing, before we doubled back to go home. I think what's really neat is the sound of it all. It's like nothing I've ever heard.

About half the way back, what can I say... nature placed a call. I turned around to head back to the lake, but Mom didn't budge. So I did it. Right there to the downward side of the narrow trail, I boomed the biggest boom I have ever boomed in my life. I looked back at Mom, afraid that I had committed an infraction. And there she stood, with her arms upward, as if declaring a touchdown!

We jogged most of the way back to the cabin... well, until we came to the part you almost need a set of stairs to climb. It seems that we both laid our cares down at the same time!

Mom walked in and announced to Auntie N... "Don't be suprised if someone issues a bear alert!" She thought it was funny. I did not.

Ozarks Adventure: My First Full Day

I awoke early after a restful night's sleep with Mom on a teeny tiny bed. Mom says it is a queen, but it is definitely not fit for one. :-)

I could hardly wait to see what was outside the door. It was too dark to appreciate when we deboarded last night, after what seemed to me like a more than adequate nap in the car.

We quickly dressed, or I should say that Mom did. I have my own suitcase full of two coats, two sweaters, towels, toys, treats, food, leashes, stakes and cables... but I do not think I will need the apparel. It is colder in the air conditioned cabin than it is outside.

We headed out on our first trail about 7am. It was fun. There were so many scents; I just couldn't get enough. I swear (though Mom tells me not to), there was stuff out there I had never seen or even come close to smelling before.

There are squirrels here, too. Darn them all. They look different. Lots of em are black. Weird, huh?

We walked and walked and walked, and then we turned around and came back and headed down another trail. For a vacation, I couldn't figure out why Mom seemed a little impatient. She kept nagging me... "Don't ya need to boom?" I did. It's been a couple of days! But I wasn't sure it was appropriate. I mean, ya boom on level St Augustine, do you not? And I didn't find a speck.

We returned from our first hike, after about 45 minutes. I was hungry as an Ozark hog when we got back, so I ate a healthy breakfast and then rested my head in the window sill for a bit. Mid-morning, I greeted a second hike with equal enthusiasm! This is great!

After lunch, Mom left for what turned out to be a food gathering expedition. I stayed at the cabin with Auntie N, who I love... but I was none too happy about Mom leaving me. The sweetest site in these woods was her walking back in the door a short time later... WITH FOOD!
We went on more boomless hikes this afternoon. I had a nice nap. And I barked at some people who passed our cabin. Who knew there were peoples here???

Mom cooked fried chicken for dinner. She said it was bad for me and I couldn't have but just a little taste. What she didn't know is that Auntie N (did I mention that I love her?) fed me under the table. It sure was good!

We stayed close to the cabin after dinner. I don't think I've ever seen it so dark outside. The other girls worked on a jigsaw puzzle, while I dozed upside down on the sofa. Life is good in the Ozarks!

Ozarks Adventure: My Outlook, I saw Hope Come... and Go

The day on the road started out fun, with fresh donuts and Ozarka spring water, but in spite of the comfort of my Mom's shoulder, my (great) Auntie N's willingness to love on me, and the many and various locales I was priveleged to mark... it was a very LONG day.

I became dejected before reaching Harrison, Arkansas. I guess I was sighing a lot. Auntie N asked my Mom if I was ok. My mom said it best...

"She was excited about the trip, but she saw Hope (Arkansas)... come and go". She was right on the mark; I couldn't have said it better myself. Sometimes, I swear... that ole gal reads my mind!

We've arrived to a place I can't see. It's dark here now, and I'm not sure why exactly we came to this cabin. Mom seems really tired and a wee bit impatient. My plan is to follow wherever she goes, sleep close... and see what tomorrow brings!

Ozarks Adventure: My Outlook, Departure Day

It didn't take me long to figure out that we were really going on a trip. I had noticed the suit cases, including MY duffle, for several days.

In typical golden style, I remained calm. I know Mom will go nowhere without me. And we will go... when we go, and not a moment sooner. So, I protected the yard all morning, until I was given the official signal that we were to depart.

We left just after Mom ate a sandwich. I'm guessing it was around noon. All was good, for about an hour... and then I got the urge. Maybe it was the Ozarka, or maybe it was just that I wanted to see the surrounds of the outlet mall in Livingston. At any rate, Mom heard me... and she pulled over.

There were men there, on a ladder on a big truck. They seemed to be changing a sign. Mom thought that it was probably blown out by Rita.... it didn't matter to me. I barked! Don't get me wrong. I wasn't afraid. I just couldn't figure out why they were on top of the truck, instead of greeting me. My tone and wagging tail were a dead give-away!

I'm in Nacogdoches now. I've been here before. This is where my Mom and my brother, Wellington, were born. Or at least that's what I've been told. That was a long, long time ago, and I have no way of proving it.

My (second) cousins are not happy to see me. Perhaps they know that I'm going on an adventure with their mom; I'm not sure. Mom is keeping me separated from them, so I won't let on to the secret.

For now, I'm ready to get back on the road. Rest is out of the question. There is no need for sleep at this point. Let's go, let's go, let's go!!!

The Squirrels Need a Contraption

I've spent the weekend guarding the pecan tree. Mom has gathered pecans, from time to time, this weekend. She gathers some, and leaves others. I'm not sure I get the process.

As I lie in wait, the evil varmints throw the partially eaten produce and hulls down into the yard. Their plot, which I have successfully foiled, is to throw them down and then come down to feed and gather them up.

The scent of a freshly nibbled pecan is more than I can sometimes resist. Mom has scolded me several times as I've attempted to figure out what the big deal is. I think they taste nasty... and Mom says something about unripened or rotten. I don't know, the varmints are eating them like crazy.

On the other hand, Mom put some of the ones she gathered... into a contraption... Reed's Rocket!!! She let me try the much smaller and irregularly shaped pieces afterwards. Quite tasty!

The squirrels need one of these contraptions...!

goldens hurricane theorem no. 4

If it takes a hurricane to get Mom to spend 7 days at home, then I'm game.

goldens hurricane theorem no. 3

No matter how much you beg, the back side of a boarded up door is still blocked with plywood.

goldens hurricane theorem no. 2

(aptly named)

To an exaggerated extent, Mom will attempt to squeeze out the p and poo (the 1 and the 2...), before final boarding for an impending hurricane.

goldens hurricane theorem no. 1

There is no better sleep than within the confinds of a boarded up house.

goldens rule no. 7

When Mom brushes you, roll over on your back. Your belly hair is the only thing she's interested in brushing. If she complains, look at her with your pitiful, but loving eyes.

goldens postulate no. 1

There is a direct and proportional relationship between the severity of pouting and the length of time Mom is gone from home.

goldens rule no. 6

Relish the luxury of having a full-time personal valet, maid, butler, doorman and concierge, especially on long weekends and Mom's vacation days.

Rado, My Friend, My Sweetheart

Rado

My Friend

My Sweetheart

Rado trotted through the Gates of Heaven last night.

If I know my Rado, he is working the crowd tonight.

He is missing his Daddy, Judy, Grandma and Grandpa

but the half of Heaven

that have had the honor of meeting him,

playing with him and petting him,

are already under his spell.

Rado is sweet and gentle.

And easy going.

He is handsome and happy.

And Rado has a good sense of humor.

Rado is making the most of his new Adventure.

I am sad today.

I spent Thanksgiving 2004 with Rado.

It was love at first sight.

We spent four blissful days together.

He humored my every whim.

We made a sandwich out of Mom.

He liked all the dogs I like.

And he barked ferociously at all the dogs I don't.

He shared his treats and I shared mine.

We ate turkey together on Thanksgiving Day.

He even let Mom photograph him in those moose ears.

I especially loved the way he woofed to remind Mom of dinnertime.

I will miss Rado.

I had hopes that we would spend much more time together.

I know his family did, too.

goldens rule no. 5

Should the cable go out when you're all alone, notify the authorities (you know... Mom, with the opposable thumbs) immediately upon arrival. Static is NOT good, nor is missing Oprah!

Golden News - Mountain Lion Got Some Nerve!

Legal Question... Can A Golden Retriever be prosecuted for discussing a scarey news story?

I'm a little scard by the following language: "Copyright 2004 by TheDenverChannel.com. The Associated Press contributed to this report. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed."

File Photo in the article I'm not supposed to publish, broadcast, rewrite or redistribute, on 7 News, The Denver Channel. Please forgive me?
No harm intended!
Honest!

Strictly Comet's Commentary:

Oh my... a mountain lion walks in the front door of a house in Summit County, Colorado, steals a sandal, stares down a human in the woods and returns later to jump over a fence and attack a golden retriever... and I'm not supposed to say anything about it???

The golden escaped, along with his family, with only a scratch on his side... thank The Good Lord!

So now I can focus my worries on the report that the golden weighed 55 pounds... providing Mom an excuse to possibly reduce my rations! Yikes!

goldens rule no. 4

Napping is best belly-up under a ceiling fan.

goldens rule no. 3

Greet all guests with fervent enthusiasm and rapture.

goldens rule no. 2

Stop eating when you can't find any more food. (The exception, of course, is the discovery of a puff's tissue, preferably used).

goldens rule no. 1

Breakfast will be served promptly at 6:00am, Dinner at 6:00pm. (Exceptions only if meals are served earlier).

Golden News: No Kong For Comet

Tucker, of Fort Collins, Colorado was a chewer. He chewed through his 'Kong' and his parents lopped the top part of it off and gave it back to him.

I guess he continued to chew on it and swallowed a big ole chunk... he became very sick, and doctors had to remove it from his intestines.


I've got lots of friends who have Kongs. I'm not much of a hard rubber fan. I fancy softer things like paper, plush toys and stuffed animals. I've always dreamed of having a Kong for the tasty treats I'm sure Mom would plant inside!

Once she gets wind of this story, though... that dream is toast!

I did a bad thing, thanks to the meter reader

I did a bad thing and I have been in repentant mode all weekend.

I went out to play on Friday afternoon. I chased a squirrel across the yard and onto the fence. He ran to the gate and made his escape into the front yard. I jumped and hit the gate to see if I could catch him.

And imagine my surprise, when the gate opened.

Mom never leaves me unattended for very long, so she found me two houses down the street. But boy-o-boy was she scared then angry then grateful. And she told me all about it as we ran home. At the time, I figured I was in deep trouble, so I found a quiet corner and laid down.

Mom soon called me to her, though. We laid on the bed and she held me really tight. She told me how important I was to her, that my adventure had scared her, that she never wanted me to do that again, and that she really, really, really loves me.

She put a padlock on the gate this weekend. I guess she's doing all she can to make sure I'm not tempted again.

Golden News: Brady Attends College with Shiloh

Brady helps his best friend attend college!

Photo of Shiloh and Brady
By Alyssa Schukar, Daily Nebraskan

You see, Shiloh Hobelman can walk, but lacks the muscle mass and stamina to travel across the campus and attend class, without the assistance of a motorized wheelchair... and his best friend, Brady!

Brady is trained to push open doors, retrieve dropped keys and other times and to offer devoted protection. As a plus, and true to the nature of all of us goldens, Brady is also an awesome icebreaker and a conversation starter!

Shiloh and Brady share a single room together on campus, and Brady is welcome everywhere. Class is his favorite part of the day... beginning with a lot of attention and heavy petting from classmates... and ending with an hour and a half nap!

You gotta read this story of two motivated com-paw-dres!

Personality Types: Golden Retriever

True?
Not entirely...

Golden Retriever:

Good at making friends. Very loyal.
Retriever personalities do not like big changes.
They look for security. Can be very sensitive. Very caring.
Have deep relationships, but usually only a couple of close friends.
Want to be loved by everyone.
Look for appreciation.
Work best in a limited situation with a steady work pattern.

Biblical Example: Abraham
Case Study: Genesis 12-22

Strength: Accommodating, calm, affirming.
Weakness: Indecisive, indifferent,
unable to express emotions, too soft on other people
Limitation: Seeing the need to be more assertive,
holding others accountable.

*****
Author's Note:
Indecisive???? Indifferent????
Unable to express emotions????
Need to be more assertive????

NOT THIS GOLDEN!!!!
:-)

Golden News: Sasha "Trucks" a Mountain Goat

I've tree'd many a squirrel in my day.
But Sasha trucked a mountain goat!

Photo by Scott Root

It seems that Carol Probst returned to her Midway, Utah home to find her golden retriever quite excited about a new hood ornament on the family truck... and no, it wasn't a Dodge Ram.

The Probst family quickly closed the garage and contacted the Division of Wildlife Resources.

Not to worry... wildlife experts were able to administer a tranquilizer dart and loaded him onto a horse trailer. While he slumbered, one year old Billy received an ear tag, a general health check and a reversal drug... and was on his way back up the mountain, home.

Golden News: Golden Runs Mountain Cat up Tree

Browsing through the doggynet on a rainy morning, I found a new hero. Stanley, a golden retriever, who saved his mom from a mountain lion.

Stanley's mom and a friend were out hiking with their "kids" when they walked up on a mountain lion, about 5 feet away.

Stanley, being a brave and protective golden retriever, charged the 150# cat. It retreated to a tree some 30 feet away, allowing the moms and the other dog to run to safety.

About a minute later, Stanley returned to his family and friends unharmed. Stanley... he good!

Golden Humor: Retrieve a Downloaded File

Q: How do I find and retrieve a downloaded file? [signed] Stumped

A: Dear Stumped: The best way to retrieve a file that has been sent to you is to use a Golden Retriever. "Wait!" you may be saying, "Golden Retrievers are hunting dogs!" Before you get too caught up in the finer points of Golden Retriever history, consider ... these dogs were bred to stand by the side of their person, and fetch objects (usually some hapless, formerly live, waterfowl) that the dog's person is unable to obtain for himself. Does this not sound like the perfect sort of a dog for your file problem? I thought so!

The steps for retrieving your file are as follows:

1. Find a Golden Retriever.
2. Show it the e-mail message that has a file attached
3. Explain the workings of the mouse. This may take a little patience, as Goldens tend to wag a lot and the dog may not be totally focused on your instructions on proper mouse usage.
4. Wait until the dog has mastered the use of the mouse.
5. Point to the file you want the dog to retrieve, and in a firm but kind voice say, "Fetch it!"
6. Be sure to praise and reward the dog once he's retrieved the file for you.

Once you've got the file "in hand" (so to speak), bring in the nearest cat to unpack and install it for you.

Wait a minute... we don't need a cat! This joke stinks!

Golden News: Aspen Grace, Lord of the Ring

Here's a funny story about Aspen Grace, Lord of the Ring.

It seems that we goldens... with our quick reactions, instinct to retrieve, and our voracious appetites... wreak havoc sometimes!

I've swallowed a few pen caps in my day... and on separate evenings after long and what I consider fruitful walks, I've had both a G.I. Joe helmet... and machine gun... retrieved from the hidden recesses of my slobbering jaws... but to Mom's knowledge, I contain nothing quite this valuable! (I like to keep her guessing, though!).

Golden Retriever: What I like to do Outside

WHAT I LIKE TO DO OUTSIDE

Squirrel Hunting:
Squirrels make nests in the pecan tree you see behind me. My favorite times of day are when they get up, when they feed, and when they head to bed.

They have jumped on my head several times before, attempting to jump from the fence to the tree. To my credit, and Mom's dismay, I have stopped two of them, dead in their tracks as they say...

I feel it my personal duty to chase them on the powerlines, across the yard and down the fence, and to wait for them to fall out of the tree. They have barked at me, thrown things at me, and taunted me. They seek rescue from storms in my window sills and on the fence under my deep overhangs. It is not right. It is wrong. And I must make it known.

Lizard Hunting:
Chameleons hide in the shrub in front of me, as well as many other places in the yard. I generally find them by lying completely still and watching for the tiniest of movements. At night, I am fascinated by geckos as they crawl across the soffit of the porch, and along the brick walls. I've caught a couple, but have been severely scolded. It's hard to ignore them, and believe it or not, I just want to play.

Frog Hunting:
To the right of the tree, you can see the frog house that Mom has created. I never see them during the day, but at night... if I wait long enough, I can surprise them on the porch. Mom likes frogs, and she has lots of fake frogs in potted plants. Sometimes I see the real frogs jump into the pots and pose as if they're drinking coffee or reading books. It confuses me, so I let them go to preserve my dignity.

Sometimes, though, I see them hopping along in the landscaped bed. I try to just smell them... but they always jump. It kinda shocks me and kinda scares me, so I've never caught one. I really just enjoy looking for them.

Golden News: The Cheetah and the Golden Retriever

I love Animal Planet (the happy stuff, anyway) and fun stories I chase down through the webernet. Check out this great story I found today!

A Cheetah and a Golden Retriever are buddies at the San Diego Zoo!

Zoo names: Karroo and Sven Olaf
Species: South African cheetah and golden retriever (yes, a domestic dog!)

You've probably heard the expression "fighting like cats and dogs." Well, it doesn't apply to this unusual cat and dog duo! These animal ambassadors are a famous Zoo tradition. They delight our guests when they appear in shows, walk through the Zoo, and attend special events.


How did this all begin?
This is actually our third cheetah and dog pair. Many years ago, one of our show areas received a young cheetah named Arusha. This arrangement hinged on one condition: we had to provide a canine companion. Cheetahs, though predators weighing over 100 pounds (45 kilograms), are shy and wary cats. The dog would act as a buddy and "security blanket." So, the head of the show area visited animal shelters until she found the perfect canine personality, an outgoing young golden retriever named Anna.

Of course, one question always comes up: "Why doesn't the cheetah eat the dog?" The dog was bigger, older, and smarter when the pair first met as youngsters. As they bonded, Arusha never realized that he could be "top dog." The cheetah even ate on a raised platform so Anna wouldn't snatch his dinner!

They lived and played together for many years, and no matter where they went, the cheetah always felt comfortable following the dog as she bounced right into any new situation. Finally, when they died of old age, we decided to continue this dog and cheetah tradition. Chobe and Jessie were the second generation; Karroo and Sven are one of three current cheetah/dog pairs. We even have a wolf/dog pair: Akela and Nala!

Sven and Karroo love taking their handlers for walks around the Zoo!

Sven, shown here as a youngster, acts as a "security blanket" to Karroo, helping her feel more comfortable in strange surroundings.

Golden News (Update 2): Jake beats 428!

I just love a boy who can swim!

Credit under Photo: Chronicle / Shelley Eades

And this is an another story about my hero, Jake!

With a stomach full of scrambled eggs, Jake dog-paddled his way into history, leaving most of the serious - and human - swimmers in his wake.

Organizers of the South End Rowing Club's 10th annual Alcatraz Invitational - a 1.2 mile swim from the infamous prison island to the San Francisco shoreline - say the 65-pound golden retriever is the first canine known to have made the crossing.

The crowd cheered as the 4-year-old pooch made his way onto solid ground, shaking sprays of water and dodging a woman who tried to put a medal around his neck.

"It was colder and rougher than we thought it would be," said Jeff Pokonosky, Jake's owner and swim partner. "Jake amazed me. He was very focused. He started out really fast. I was trying to slow him down. He increased his pace to stay with the pack."

Bill Wygant, president of the South End Rowing Club, said he was more than happy to allow a dog into the race, a first for the more than 100-year-old group.

"This swim is about personal challenge," Wygant said. "Whether you are dog or human, it's whatever you can achieve that counts."

Golden News: Murphy's Law

They say every dog has his day... and Murphy will be spend his in court!

You see... this sweet golden retriever named Murphy has received a summons to appear in court in Newton, Mass., to answer a complaint that he was being walked without a leash and was not up to date on his license.

By law, it was his "daddy" who was responsible for both ends of the leash, as well as paying the registration fee. And it was he who should have received the summons. However, apparently confused by his common human name, the animal control officer sent the complaint to the innocent, victim of his daddy's negligence, Murphy.

Murphy's pop told the Boston Herald that he doesn’t see how Murphy will be able to come up with the $50 fine.

Heck... I would have to hock most every of my toybox on ebay to come up with that kind of cash! I got lots of toys... but a hippo with a punctured lung won't draw much!

Golden News: See Ya Later, Alligator

Cooper, a 5 year old golden retriever takes on a 700 pound alligator!

"I thought he was dead," said 14-year-old Chase Kierspe of the family pet. "The alligator was huge. I didn't think he could fight it. He fights me, but that's all."

Cooper escaped from the backyard for a swim across the canal and apparently attracted the gator. Chase was cutting the grass when he saw the alligator spying his pet. He threw a cup and a lawn chair at the gator, but it didn't budge.

Then Cooper leaped and the gator followed. Chase ran and screamed for help.

After it was all over, Cooper (search) had lost a few teeth and had flesh and muscle torn from a front leg and chunks of skin missing from both haunches. The gator suffered bites to its snout.

"I never heard of a dog getting away from an alligator in the water," said Tom Kierspe, Chase's dad. "You always hear that they grab them, go under and do the 'death roll.' "

The state doesn't keep records of alligator size, but this was "one of the largest if not the largest" the Department of Natural Resources (search) has seen in some time, said Walt Rhodes of the wildlife agency.

The gator's head and hide sit in Kierspe's freezer. He has contacted local museums and parks
about getting it mounted and is considering applying to get it certified as a state record.

As for Cooper, Kierspe said, "we changed his name to 'Lucky.'"

Words & Phrases I Know

1. COMET = ME
2. SWEETEST GIRL IN THE WORLD = ME
3. SWEETY GIRL = ME
4. PRITTY GIRL = ME
5. BOOGER = ME
6. COMMIE = ME
7. GOOD GIRL = I DID SOMETHING GOOD!
8. COME = COME (because I thought she was just practicing saying my name)
9. NO = NO (unless you're willing to take the consequences)
10. SIT = SIT (reluctantly sometimes)
11. STAY = STAY (I'm really good at this)
12. DROP IT = DROP IT (I've got something Mom either wants, something that belongs to her exclusively or something that is bad for me)
13. LEAVE IT = LEAVE IT (Mom's really not kidding)
14. ARE YOU HUNGRY? = TIME TO EAT, RUN TO MY BOWL
15. IT'S NOT READY YET = MOM HAS NOT BEEN ATTENDING TO MY FOOD PREPARATION NEEDS
16. NOT YET = WHATEVER I'M ANTICIPATING IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN YET
17. INOUTINOUTINOUT = THE 'TEST HER PAYSHUNZ' GAME IS NOW OVER
18. UH UH = STOP LICKING MY FOOT
19. 'TOP IT = 'TOP WHATEVER I'M DOING
20. SQUIRREL = SQUIRREL (said inside means toy, said outside means pesky rodent)
21. WACK WACK = DUCK TOY
22. LOLLY = SHORT FOR LOLLIPOP, MY FAVORITE TOY (mouse)
23. I GOTTA GO = MOM IS LEAVING
24. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK = MOM WILL BE BACK IN SECONDS, MINUTES OR HOURS
25. YOU'RE GONNA GO = MOM IS TAKING ME WITH HER
26. ELLY = MY ELEPHANT
27. BATH = RUN!!!!!! (At all costs, RUN... HIDE...!)
28. I LOVE YOU = MOM LOVES ME (along with many other things that I must interpret, like it's time to go to sleep or Mom is soothing her guilt for leaving me)
29. YOU'RE MY BABY = MOM LOVES ME
30. GET YOUR BABY = FIND SOMETHING I WANT TO PLAY OR SLEEP WITH
31. LET'S GO TO BED = MOM IS GOING TO SLEEP IN MY BED (and I must hurry to jockey for the cool side of the bed)

*to be continued*

Golden News (Update): Jake's Ruff Alcatraz Swim

Jake makes my heart flutter... seriously!

Credit under photo: Chronicle / Shelley Eades.

Do you realize he finished that swim in 41 minutes and 45 seconds? Why... that's quicker than my mid-morning power nap!

And who wouldn't fall in love with a handsome athlete that cares enough to send text messages!

I just love this more personal account of his athletic paws... or rather, fete, I should say... and I think you will, too!

Reaching the shoreline next to the Hyde Street Pier to chants of "Jake! Jake! Jake!" the 4-year-old canine appeared to take his celebrity in stride. He trotted onto terra firma, evaded a lady trying to put a medal around his neck, and let out a full-body, water-flying shake. He proceeded to roll in the sand and make a quick detour to the nearest grassy area.

His tail was wagging.

The swim was behind him. A tennis ball was in front of him.

Jake made the swim in the frigid waters with his human dad, Jeff Pokonosky. The two live in San Diego and swim 2 miles twice a week. They also bodysurf together, and Jake is known for doing sprints every day -- generally after tennis balls. Before a big swim, Jake eats scrambled eggs. He stands 2-foot-1 and weighs 65 pounds. He
has a weakness for carbohydrates, particularly bread.

"It was colder and rougher than we thought it would be," Pokonosky said after the race. "Jake amazed me. He was very focused. He started out really fast. I was trying to slow him down. He increased his pace to stay with the pack."

Entering Jake in the invitational was motivated by fun -- and business. Pokonosky runs a company called WiggleWireless that delivers text messages and news to cell phones. Subscribers to the service were able to receive live updates on Jake's progress. A portion of the money raised went to Guide Dogs for the Blind.

Updates from Jake -- a kind of dog blog -- ranged from, "I checked into the Hyatt and took a drink from the toilet bowl," to "I'm standing in line for the Alcatraz swim. I don't see any other dogs." Several messages were sent mid-race. One read, "The
water is ruff. I mean ruff-ruff."

Bill Wygant, president of the South End Rowing Club, which was established in 1873 and draws a hearty group that prides itself on swimming without wetsuits, said he was happy to allow a dog into the race. It was a first, he said, but he hopes not the last.

"This swim is about personal challenge," Wygant said. "Whether you are dog or human, it's whatever you can achieve that counts." Lynne Cox, an open-water swimmer who has broken men's and women's records for swimming the English Channel and was the first person to swim between Alaska and the Soviet Union, was on hand to support the event. She said when she met Pokonosky, she asked whether swimming in the race was something Jake truly wanted to do.

"He said Jake would be upset if he saw him swimming and he couldn't swim," Cox said. "I have a yellow Lab at home. Maybe next year the club will have a dogcategory."

By midmorning, as swimmers continued to stream onto the beach in front of the rowing club, Jake began to unwind. He rolled onto his back, welcoming any and all congratulatory belly rubs.

Golden News: Jake's Alcatraz Swim Record

Thank you to my good pal and reporter in the field, Shy-Knees who sent me this story about Jake, and awesome golden swimmer!

One of the swimmers in this weekend's Alcatraz Invitational swim has dog paddled his way into the record book. Jake, a 65-pound golden retriever, was the only non-human in the 10th annual 1.2-mile swim from the infamous prison island to the San Francisco shore.

The 4-year-old pooch swam across the cold, choppy water in just under 42 minutes, finishing 72nd out of the more than 500 swimmers. Organizers say it was the first known crossing by a dog.

The crowd cheered as Jake made his way onto solid ground, shook himself and dodged a woman who tried to put a medal around his neck.

Jake's owner, Jeff Pokonosky, said the two swim four miles a week and bodysurf together. They live in San Diego.

His training secret? Jake always gets scrambled eggs before a big swim.

One of my favorite games

The weekend was a busy one. I played one of my favorite games with Mom. I call the game "test her pay-shunz". Here's how it goes...

Step 1: I put my nose to the door and she lets me out. I clear the yard of squirrels and come back to place my nose at the door. She lets me in and I proceed to Step 2.

Step 2: I make the circle in the house, get a quick drink of water and proceed to Step 3.

Step 3: Repeat Step 1.

The object of the game is to see how many times Mom will humor me. This weekend I scored 131... not bad, but a far shot from my record.