A Golden Retriever's Thoughts on Rain, Rain, Every Day Rain!

Behold: Upper Lake Comet!

You should see the Lower Lake beyond the Hot Tub Dam(n),
as well as the swollen banks of No No Bad Girl bayou
and the various Comet Stay Out of the Mud tributaries!

Happy Memorial Day!

Thank you to all of Our Nation's Soldiers!

...for your willingness to serve our country,
for your courageous and tireless efforts,
and for your tremendous bravery!

Awesome patriotic Golden Retriever cards,
aprons and other unique items make great gifts!
And in this nation of great freedom and diversity,
Maggie Ross Dog Art is the place to shop for all "ethnicities"!

Mom says that we owe everything we have to the freedoms
gained, secured and defended by American patriots.

She says that not all peoples, nor all puppies:

• have a roof over their heads, nor their own well defined backyard,
  flooded or not... it's theirs, all theirs.
• enough food in their bowl to not just stave off hunger...
  but to bring chubby back. (wait a minute... who's she calling chubby?).
• have access to purveyors of goods for entertainment value only
  (I think she meant "toys"), much less the means to fill and hide two large bags
  and a medium sized box in the closet,
  as well as fill two baskets and a 30 gallon tub with said "used" goods...
  and still have enough to trip over.
• own or have access to a television, much less 300+ channels
  (including Animal Planet) in high definition and the option to keep it on,
  just for "company".
• sleep without care, in a king sized bed,
  under a ceiling fan and an air conditioning duct at night... belly up!
• have any real iota of a clue of the dangers lurking in the neighbor's yard,
  much less across the globe.
• have unrestricted (parental and otherwise!) to the internet,
  including the ability to blog to your golden heart's content!

She also says, and I agree...

We should lift our hearts up to God,
and our voices up to our Soldiers...
in gratitude and praise for all that is ours!

My Favorite Things to Do on this Rainy Saturday

1. Take a nap with Mom, in the bed.
2. Hustle 'Munchos'.
3. Look out the window... and wait.
4. Chase squirrels in the rain.
5. Splash Splash Splash!
6. Get dried off with a "good" plush towel.
7. Take another nap, belly up, in my chair!

A Golden Retriever's Thoughts on This Rainy Saturday

Glub Glub Glub
Where are my water wings?

And this photo was taken after the water receded!

Me and Mom had tons of plans for this glorious three day weekend. And then we woke up this morning to a weather report of increasing chances of rain each day, through next Tuesday.

I have mixed emotions:

Sad: Squirrels don't seem to work in a storm.
Happy: Mom doesn't either!

Sad: I'll be chastised for each mud puddle I adorn.
Happy: A bath was scheduled for this weekend!

Sad: I'm not going to get that walk in the park I was promised.
Happy: Mom is less likely to go out visiting, piddling, errand running or shopping!

I think I would be much happier if our weather were better.
But I've got to tell you, I'm grateful for any three days I've got Mom to myself!
So, all's good with me!

A Golden Retriever's Intuition

Mom came home and put this shirt on.

Call it an inkling, or call it a hunch,

but I sense that she didn't have a great day at work!

Front:

Back:

But don't you worry!
I can melt her worries with a single sweep of my tail!
Comet to the Rescue!!!

A Golden Retriever's Thoughts On "The Three P's"

Today's Pressing Household Issues:
Peeing, Pooping and Plumbing

According to Mom, one of the "perks" (my word, not hers) to living in an old house... is the opportunity (my word, not hers) to mop up water and shut down the bathrooms, kitchen and washing machine for sixteen or eighteen hours at a time... every 9 months or a year.

And that led me to paws and ponder upon "the three p's":

1. I was taught that the only place I should go... is outside.
2. And today, I'm more thankful than ever!
3. My favorite thing about the indoor toilet is the opportunity to corner Mom and enjoy a good head scratch.
4. The only thing I like about the shower is licking Mom's legs when she comes out of it... otherwise, it's pure evil.
5. Really, am I not fully capable of cleaning the dishes after dinner?
6. It's not so bad that last night's dinner dishes, pots and pans weren't cleaned... I rather admire the aromas.
7. Two of my best friends came over and fixed our problem. I tried to help them, but Mom said if I knew how to fix it, why didn't I fix it last night? I answered the best way I knew how... "woo woo woo".
8. My friends were really cute and gave me good attention. I can't wait to see them again in a few months. But a question... why did Mom pay them to leave???
9. Coming in from the rain, knee deep in mud... and just when I thought we were completely out of towels, Mom whips out four more: three wet to give me a rub-down, and one to dry!
10. ANY P that keeps Mom home is all right by me!

Welcome to My Updated Blog!

Blogger offers new features!
And so do I!

I've spent the last few weeks... at my leisure, of course... going through my old posts. I've added photos, new commentary, and more importantly... labels for each post!

So, take a bit of time and poke around in The Archives: Rules of Old & Tales I've Told! You'll find some new stuff, as well as some refinement to the old!

How I Enjoyed My Sunday

Sunday is a good day to paws and enjoy your garden...

Or to wreak havoc... whichever suits you!

Here's how I enjoyed MY Sunday:

1. Slept in... shmuggled with Mom...
   and had a good long stretch.
2. Made a circle through the house and went outside for general security and personal comfort purposes.
3. Played with Hank, my honking duck.
4. Ate my tasty breakfast.
5. Ate a couple of bites of Mom's tasty breakfast.
6. Went outside for personal comfort purposes...
   and to wake up the other dogs in the neighborhood.
7. Got tons of leaves plucked from my tail and chest.
   Was asked how they got there...
   didn't know the answer.
8. Took a nap, upside down on the bed.
9. Found birthday bunny and wrestled him on the floor,
   hurdled him onto the bed and honked him senseless.
10. Saw a squirrel out the back window
    and had to go back outside...
    chased, but did not catch him.
11. Laid in the sun and enjoyed the cool breeze.
12. Came inside to bark at something out the front window...
    can't remember what it was, but I assure you
    that I thwarted a major security threat.
13. Watched Mom work.
14. Took a nap, upside down in my chair.
15. Reminded Mom of the time. Tick tock tick tock.
16. Ate my tasty dinner, which oddly enough,
    tasted a lot like my breakfast.
17. Dug a hole by the fence, under the huge azalea.
18. Got scolded.
19. Looked adorable wtih dirt on my nose.
20. Barked at a little girl on the other side of the fence.
21. Got scolded.
22. Looked sheepish... and adorable.
23. Laid in the shade, listened to the many and varied sounds,
    and sniffed the aromas...
    including the neighbor's barbecue pit!

Now I'm wondering... what Mom's having for dinner!
And hoping that tomorrow is another Sunday!

No Bees Please!

New Tresspassor
Wanted Dead... or, frankly, Just Dead!

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia: look up Carpenter Bee!

We've got three of these bad boys, hovering around the roofline.
My job description does NOT cover flying insects.
I'm leaving this for Mom and a can of Hot Shot!

A Golden Retriever's Thoughts on Philodendrons & Update with a Note from Mom!

The jungle is... cleared!
***Please read Mom's thought below***

And now I'm clearing my mind:

1. Overgrown philodendrons provide a false sense of security for squirrels
   and other rodents when flushed from the outfield.
   This grouping is like third base to the pecan tree's home.
   They think I won't follow them in there. Holy carcass are they wrong!
2. Well kempt philodendrons are much easier to pass underneath,
   and a raised canopy provides a wider track for my
   flying figure 8's around the hot tub!
3. Overgrown philodendrons provide a pretty good place to hide from Mom
   when she's talking on the phone too long.
   It's my little way of getting her attention.
4. With thinned tree-like philodendrons, Mom can see me quickly...
   and she diverts her attention toward me and calls me to her!
5. Overgrown philodendrons in the back corner of the yard
   provide a secret place for me to meet up with Rotty-wilder...
   and exchange our extremely loud 'top of the mornin' to ya's.
6. With the philos thinned,
   now Mom and Rotty can get to know each other, too!
7. Mostly, I'm just puzzled about the gosh darn things.
   We have seven of them, sprinkled in three corners of the yard,
   and any time I go near them, Mom yells as if they're off my limits!
   
   051807, 8:23am Update: I guess Mom read my post last night. Who knew that she checked up on me like that??? Anyway, as she kissed me on the nose before leaving for work this morning, she left me with a note. It reads, as follows:
   
   My dear Sweet Comet,
   
   When I bought this lovely yard for you,
   it was full of beautiful philodendrons and caladiums.
   I didn't know then what I know now!
   These plants are highly toxic to precious and unwitting puppy dogs.
   
   I feel like a bad Mother for not having them totally removed...
   and I'm seriously considering it.
   It's why I'm so concerned about keeping them trimmed
   and clean underneath.
   
   You know I would lay down my life to protect you.
   I would.
   
   While I chastise you for thinking that all of outdoors is a buffet line,
   and while you are occasionally tempted into eating
   a pecan, a stick, a lizard
   or a G.I. Joe helmet, here and there...
   I've never seen you eat grass or any sort of plant.
   
   And while I trust you with all of our worldly possessions,
   I'm hesitant to trust you with gates... fences... and philodendrons.

So next time you are made fun of in school...
for having the Mom who is always two steps behind you,

Remember...

It's because I love you and cherish you with all my heart.

Mom

P.S. The little fact that you look over your shoulder
to make sure that I'm still two steps behind you...
will remain our little secret!

Ask Miss C: Bribery

Peaking Knees from Hong Kong writes:

"I'm bribed every day, too... and just want to compare notes. What are your terms for allowing YOUR Mom to leave every day?"

Miss C replies:

Here's how it all goes down. Mom and I meet at my food bowl. My eyes are cleared of all eye-boogies; I receive numerous smooches to the lips, while my neck receives passionate caresses... punctuated with a kiss on the top of my nose. And then I go in for the shnarf...

One of these:

Two of these:

And one of these:

Once she checks my mouth (yes... she checks my mouth! More on that later), I'm resolved to the fact that she's leaving. I pay little attention to when she says she's coming back, as she tends to exaggerate on the quick side.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

I love Mom so much!
To celebrate her special day,
I insisted upon riding with her to pick up some breakfast foods
(after, of course, she lovingly prepared MY obligatory
get the day started meal).
She brought home a breakfast platter
that we both enjoyed immensely!

Afterwards, I gave her this swell monkey...
who spent most of his day watching her work:

Until I began to feel sorry for her...
working on Mother's day..
and well, ok, yeah... for her monkey, too...
and I stepped in for some lovin'...
and playin'... and squeakin'.

And then we both watched her work:
Our combined ogling was eventually quite effective!
Before we knew it, we had Mom to ourselves!

***A Special Note***
I wish Mom had her Mom.
I know how much she misses her.
And I know we would be celebrating in high fashion if Grandma were here.

Conspiring to Give Mom a Great Gift on Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

Mom needed this thing.
I don't claim to know what it is,
but my Uncle Stevey knew exactly what to get!

The box says that it is "the ultimate visual experience". That said... it is NOT four squirrels running across the yard... it must be even better, though I have a hard time imagining five!

Special thanks to my co-conspirator, Uncle Stevey, who helped pick it out, installed it, vacuumed my hair out of Mom's computer... and did some other stuff that's still a mystery to me!

I don't need to know the details. Mom's happy... and that's all that counts!

Ask Miss C; Cart of Death

Buzzy from Lump Gulch City, Montana writes:

"What is the 'cart of death'?"

Miss C replies:
Living in the city is not like living in the country.
The deceased may not always be placed restfully in terra firma....
but in the "cart of death".

The Cart of Death

As I waited patiently in the kitchen this morning,
for my daily bribery... errr... treats,

Mom announced:

"The cart of death has been wheeled to the curb."

She also said if anyone walked down the sidewalk,
they would likely place a call to HPD Homicide.

I hope this marks the end to a repentant week.

Here for Mom

May 6th is a sad day for Mom.

Today is the 15th anniversary of her Daddy's death.

I think Mom was a little of a Daddy's Girl...
just like I'm a Mama's Girl.

She leaned on him heavily for all things, large and small...
just like I lean on her... for everything.

Mom was extraordinarily close to her Mom & Dad,
She says they weren't just her parents,
they were her "almost everything"...
just like she is mine.

So Mom's a wee bit sad today.
And I am, too.

But we're here for each other...
and that makes us both happy.

Ask Miss C: Mister P

Bully from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania writes:

"Who and what is Mister P?"

Miss C replies:

Mister P was a beloved member of my household, and inhabitant of our aquarium. He was a huge 12" long plecostomus, who had a love for re-arranging aquarium decor and sucking the algae off of rocks, glass and tree roots. We, regretfully, have no pictures of Mister P, but there is quite a strong resemblance here:

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia: Look up Plecostomus!

What do Mister P and I have in common?

My God-Mom Aunt Susan saw to it that I came from Alabama to live with my Mom. When Aunt Susan left Houston to move back home to Alabama, she was afraid that Mister P was too old and too large to survive the trip. And she asked if he could come live with us.

We were honored to have him. We took good care of him. And we loved him. We learned to gently bring life to the room, and to watch as he responded and brought life to the aquarium. Mom bought special food for him, discussed him proudly at the fish stores, and willingly resigned herself to cleaning up after him on a more than regular basis.

The other fishes seem displaced. Mister P is missed by all.

Ask Miss C: Rouse

Welcome to the inaugural segment of my new series, in which I reply to questions posed to me by my faithful readers.

Hunter from Huntsville, Alabama writes:

"Whattahell's a rouse?"

Miss C replies:

Though I present myself here as a refined authoress,
prima ballerina and mannerly city girl,
I am also well in touch with my Alabama born, country gal roots...
therefore, I understand the exact nature of Mr. Hunter's question.
For my readers in other parts of the country,
allow me to rephrase the interrogative expression:

"What, exactly, is a 'rouse'?"

A rouse is a rat, or a mouse, or anything in between...
basically anything without hair on its tail, that ain't a possum.
For example, the recent victim of my enthusiastic chase,
looked mostly like this:

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia: Look up Brown Rat!

And yet, had the innocent disposition
and kind eyes of this one...
she was awfully close to the fence, too:

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia: Look up Wood Mouse!

Ask Miss C

An Introduction
A New Blog Feature

By popular demand,
I will paws, from time to time,
to answer the questions of my faithful readers!

So, ask away, my dear compawdres!

Tragedy in Threes

I've heard it said that tragedies come in threes.

I don't know what that means exactly... or if it's true, but Mom and I just found a dead baby bird in the back yard... but that's what Mom said as she sighed and scooped up its lifeless body.

And before any of you think I'm guilty... I'm not. Honest.

Mom thinks it's a victim of the storm we had.

I think maybe the neighborhood cat planted it there... to frame me.

Mister P, R.I.P.

Mister P passed away today.

Mom came home happy...
and is now, visably shaken and sad.

While I only knew him from the chair side of the glass...
I thought him to be a good old feller,
a fine glass sucker, a fabulous aquarium designer,
and something close to my own heart... a grand pooper!

He will be missed.
And condolences to mine and Mister P's GodMoms,
Susan and Kristi...

Rouse Patrol & Time Out

Comet fought the Rouse...
And Comet won.

The aftermath:

1. Comet ran quickly to the back door... came inside and put her own self into time out.
2. Comet understands that she did a bad, bad thing.
3. Comet understands that Ballerinas don't kill things.
4. Comet didn't meant to kill the little thing... really, she didn't.
5. Comet understands that this is not an appropriate way to thank Mom for coming home a little early.
6. Comet understands that life's pleasures are extremely limited when you have... "murder on your breath".
7. Comet understands that she will have to answer some questions at the Pearly Gates... where she hopes that instinct combined with the wanton stupidity of certain tresspassors will surely suffice as an appropriate answer.
8. Comet further understands that killing things on the day the trash has been picked up is a particularly disgusting transgression.
9. Comet must endure brushing of the teeth and a half bath and is still not allowed anywhere near her Mama's head... for the forseeable future.
10. Comet secretly wishes she was paying the price for terminating Big Daddy Ricky, rather than his daughter Rinnie.
11. Comet prefers to speak of herself in third person when she knows she has disappointed her Mother... the funeral director and mortician.

Open Letter to Sam

Sam, The (former) Golden Ghost

Photo courtesy of MSNBC.

Dear Sam,

By the Grace of God...
I know nothing of the pain you endured in your previous life.
It is unfathomable... and a disgrace to humankind
that you were treated so poorly, as to destroy your trust.
You are truly one of God's most special and loved creations!

Here are some thoughts I'd like to share:

1. You are quite a handsome fellow, if I may say so! :::vapors:::
2. Your Mom and Dad really love you! I mean... helicopters and dragnets! The couple of times I wandered out of the yard, I was chased down by a woman in her pajamas!
   Talk about embarassing!
3. Dinner is best when you don't have to snatch the bowl and drag it somewhere... although I'm not above doing just that!
4. Sleep is best indoors. Mom and I go camping sometimes... and I can tell you with certainty, I only sleep outdoors for her.
5. The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence...
   but the lovin' is better on your side!

Sam, my friend, I wish you all the love I've known,
and all the trust I've shown.
You are in the good hands you so deserve!

Dear Diary: May Day... Lay Day!

According to what I'm hearing on the tv that Mom left on... today is historically meaningful to socialists and those who labor or something? Something about demonstrations?

Well... I'm very sociable, and I'm totally against my Mom's laborings... so I feel I must demonstrate.

Therefore... I shall lay in my chair until she comes home!