A Golden Retriever's Thoughts on Philodendrons & Update with a Note from Mom!

The jungle is... cleared!
***Please read Mom's thought below***

And now I'm clearing my mind:

1. Overgrown philodendrons provide a false sense of security for squirrels
   and other rodents when flushed from the outfield.
   This grouping is like third base to the pecan tree's home.
   They think I won't follow them in there. Holy carcass are they wrong!
2. Well kempt philodendrons are much easier to pass underneath,
   and a raised canopy provides a wider track for my
   flying figure 8's around the hot tub!
3. Overgrown philodendrons provide a pretty good place to hide from Mom
   when she's talking on the phone too long.
   It's my little way of getting her attention.
4. With thinned tree-like philodendrons, Mom can see me quickly...
   and she diverts her attention toward me and calls me to her!
5. Overgrown philodendrons in the back corner of the yard
   provide a secret place for me to meet up with Rotty-wilder...
   and exchange our extremely loud 'top of the mornin' to ya's.
6. With the philos thinned,
   now Mom and Rotty can get to know each other, too!
7. Mostly, I'm just puzzled about the gosh darn things.
   We have seven of them, sprinkled in three corners of the yard,
   and any time I go near them, Mom yells as if they're off my limits!
   
   051807, 8:23am Update: I guess Mom read my post last night. Who knew that she checked up on me like that??? Anyway, as she kissed me on the nose before leaving for work this morning, she left me with a note. It reads, as follows:
   
   My dear Sweet Comet,
   
   When I bought this lovely yard for you,
   it was full of beautiful philodendrons and caladiums.
   I didn't know then what I know now!
   These plants are highly toxic to precious and unwitting puppy dogs.
   
   I feel like a bad Mother for not having them totally removed...
   and I'm seriously considering it.
   It's why I'm so concerned about keeping them trimmed
   and clean underneath.
   
   You know I would lay down my life to protect you.
   I would.
   
   While I chastise you for thinking that all of outdoors is a buffet line,
   and while you are occasionally tempted into eating
   a pecan, a stick, a lizard
   or a G.I. Joe helmet, here and there...
   I've never seen you eat grass or any sort of plant.
   
   And while I trust you with all of our worldly possessions,
   I'm hesitant to trust you with gates... fences... and philodendrons.

So next time you are made fun of in school...
for having the Mom who is always two steps behind you,

Remember...

It's because I love you and cherish you with all my heart.

Mom

P.S. The little fact that you look over your shoulder
to make sure that I'm still two steps behind you...
will remain our little secret!