Wednesday, April 11, 2007

goldens postulate no. 4: theory of economic relativity

E = (m x C) squared... x infinity

So... Mom spent $89.26 at PetsMart (or is that PetSmart) yesterday. And after she lugged in the all that food, she presented me with her receipt and muttered something about how I needed to get a job.

Well, that got me to thinking (disregarding taxes, because thank God, Uncle Sam ain't figured out how to tax ME yet!)
  • $42.99 for 35 pounds of dry... @ 2 cups per day = 30 days, so $1.43 per day.
  • $15.48 for 12 cans of wet... @ 1/2 can per day =24 days, so $0.65 per day.
  • $23.99 for 120 tablets of glucosomine... @ 1 per day = 120 days, so $0.20 per day.
  • $4.99 for Dingo Outback Bites... @ 2 per day = 21 days, so $0.24 per day.
  • $4.49 for Buddy Biscuits... @ 1 per day = 28 days, so $0.16 per day.
  • $5.00 (average) for one toy... @ 1 per 10 days, so $0.50 per day.

That adds up to a teeny weeny $3.18 per day.

Now if you add in doctor's bills, dental cleaning and miscellaneous treatments (heartworm and skeeter goop)...

  • $700.00 per year... so $1.92 per day.

And that raises the total to a mere $5.10 per day. And applied to the theorem of economic relativity, here's how it plays out:

Entertainment (value) = (money x Comet) squared x infinity

E = ($5.10 x Comet) squared x infinity



miss kitty said...

dogs cant do arithmatick. who did this for u... the cat next door?

dogsRdumdums said...

yeah. everbuddy nos dogs r dum. u expect me to bye in2 this won?

Joe Cocker (Spaniel) said...

you think you're some kind of prodegy? think again. i know who's behind this all. it's your nanny or dog sitter or something. maybe it's even your pet hamster. go to bed tonight knowing that you haven't fooled me.

PegLeg Spot said...

i'm with joe. from a mathematical standpoint, most dogs think they need 4 legs to haul patooty. And that just ain't so.

Chi Chi Huahua said...

this is an outrage. dogs doing math and finance... calculating their upkeep and net value... and publishing it on the web. it's an afront to all of the socially inept, entertainment void heel nippers out there. and i'm incensed.

earl the skwirrel said...

you don't know NUTTIN...

you think 1 skwirrel in your pecan tree + 1 skwirrel in your pecan tree = 2 skwirrels in your pecan tree.

And you are SO wrong. You ain't countin' the 3 babies we jest had!

You see, in the skwirrel kingdom, 1 + 1 = 5, moron dog / skwirrel stalker!

Whiskers said...

you're such a smart dog, you probably know how to spell, too. How many r's in purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?

snoopy said...


Bluto the Bluejay said...

math shmath... everyone who watches you knows you're intrigued by your own poop.

garfield said...

Me... OUCH. Now Obie wants to renegotiate his contracts and rights to syndication. You're so smart. Sit. Stay. Stop with your cost benefit analyses, silly dog!

Sylvester & Tweety said...

We say RATS to your theories and postulates... thanks to you, our parents are bringing a large dog into our mix. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Paris's Tinkerbell said...

Your postulate, gross underestimations and omissions stink!

Next thing you know, my mom is going to think she can cut my allowance!

Ha. Naw. My bad!

My mom isn't going to think!