A Golden Retriever's Thoughts: Sofa Pillows

As a puppy:

1. Great teething material.
2. Excellent substitution in warmer climates for snow.
3. Fun to attack and foil their diabolical plot.
4. Excellent hiding place for chewies.
5. If you have it, I want it.
6. If your head is on it, so must my whole body.

As an adult:

1. I don't get Mom's aesthetic arrangement.
2. Re-shaping square pillows is my specialty.
3. In a big chair, perfect under me.
4. If the chair is too small, the pillow goes on the floor.
5. On a sofa, a couple is all I need.
6. Best on the floor, in all instances, once the nap is over.
7. Those that impede the relaxation process are best on the floor.
8. Excellent hiding place for chewies.
9. If our head is on it, so must my whole body.

Golden Retriever Recipe for a Perfect Day

(16 things Mom could learn from me!)

Each day should consist of:

1. Leisurely waking.
2. A good stretch upon rising.
3. Smooching and lovey dovey time, a-plenty.
4. Two good, filling and timely meals (and maybe a snack or two in between).
5. Lots of cool fresh water.
6. Persnickety attention to the calls of nature. (hey... I can hold it forever, but when I go, I want to go in just the right place).
7. Lots of talking and a little singing.
8. Answering to the joy in your heart, however it may lead you.
9. Work a little and play a LOT.
10. A couple of nice peaceful naps, preferably in a dark room or even in a sunny window sill.
11. Curiosity and challenge, obsessing over neither, and dropping both for a run at the food bowl or the chance to smooch.
12. Wallowing and snorting. In fact, nothing's better than a good wet sneeze!
13. A little time (a very little time) spent on grooming.
14. A little running, a little television, a little window watching and a little barking.
15. A bone-deep sigh upon retiring for the night.
16. Peaceful slumber lying as close as possible to the one you love the most.

Blonde Joke

A Chow Chow friend of mine told me a funny joke
(my apologies in advance to all of Mom's cute blonde friends):

What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A Golden Retriever.

Update: Isaac Newton Studies

A note to those who check in regularly:
Isaac Newton Studies are still being conducted.
Stay tuned for further updates!

Activity v. Rest

Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction:

Activity v. Rest

Activity.
Ahem. I am a golden retriever. I am active. It's a fact to which there is no dispute. I believe my extreme level of activity is well documented in these web records. Visitors might sometimes think that I'm HYPERactive, due to my no-holds-barred enthusiasm and welcome-wagon sense of duty, but in reality, I'm just a very busy girl.

Rest.
What can I say? I sleep EVERY BIT AS HARD as I work and play.

If Isaac Newton Had Studied A Golden Retriever, Introduction

Sir Isaac Newton concluded: Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction.

It's been a rather dreary day today, and I've spent my Sunday divided in restless pursuit of restless squirrels balanced with peaceful contemplation of the laws of nature.

We watch quite a bit of news in this house and I've grown accustomed to ratings weeks, expose's and the fact that interest in sigh-ins is important to my generation.

So, this week I'll give you my interpretation of Sir Isaac Newton's theory, as it applies to the typical golden retriever. It's an interesting study, and I hope you will stay tuned.

Golden Retrievers and Their Celebrity Folks

This weekend is Oscar weekend, so I thought I'd sniff out my fellow goldens that have celebrity parents, and this is a little of what I dug up:

Star: Pamela Anderson

Cheeseburger (mmmmm): Jimmy Buffett

Sol: Neil Diamond

Fawn Hall (heehee): Dennis Quaid

Boomer (surprised Mom didn't name ME this!): Henry Stern (NYC Parks Commissioner)

Ajax (my competitor... get it???): Livingston Taylor (singer, songwriter and also multi-instrumental musician)

Pluto: John Larroquette

Molson (slurrrrrrp): Kristine Lily (1996 Olympic Gold Medallist in Soccer)

Twenty Fun Things To Do When Mom Is Home Sick

1. Bring her toys.
2. Lay on the clicker.
3. Sigh loudly.
4. At her slightest movement, jump up suddenly and run to the back door.
5. Come back and stare at her from her side of the bed.
6. When she lets you out, pray on her weakness and refuse to come back in.
7. Run in circles, restlessly through the house.
8. Move the blinds back and forth in the windows.
9. Lie quietly in the bed beside her, then abruptly bark... at the meter reader, a squirrel, a bird, a leaf... or nothing at all.
10. Throw a party when she drags herelf into the kitchen to prepare something to eat.
11. Follow her into the bathroom, wagging your tail and smiling.
12. Better yet, take her place in bed when she goes to the bathroom.
13. Jump off the bed and insist that she lets you back up on her side.
14. Lick the end of the thermometer.
15. Growl that growl you growl when you see her hands idle and you want to be rubbed.
16. Lay your head on her head.
17. Hog the bed.
18. Stand up on the bed between her and the ringing phone on the other side of the bed.
19. Disappear. Suspiciously disappear.
20. When her office calls, bark happily as if you are having the best "snow" day ever!

A Golden Retriever's Weather Commentary: SUNSHINE

Today's forecast: BLUE SKIES AND SUNSHINE

GOOD: I get to stay outside most of the day.

GOOD: I get to see Sammy.

GOOD: Lots of interesting sounds outside... music, laughter and garden tools.

GOOD: I get to chase squirrels across the yard.

GOOD: I get to take a nap inside, with my head in a sunny windowsill.

GOOD: Someone's cooking something good!!!

IT'S ALL GOOD!

A Golden Retriever's Weather Commentary: RAIN

Today's forecast: RAIN

GOOD: Getting wet is fun.
BAD: Mom constantly badgering... "PORCH. PORCH. PORCH." is not so fun.

GOOD: Getting dried off is fun.
BAD: Having feet wiped is not so fun.

GOOD: Flushing squirrels out of my window sills is fun.
BAD: There are squirrels in my window sills!

GOOD: Mom doesn't leave to do her normal errands.
BAD: She restricts my outdoor activity.

GOOD: Taking a nap on a gloomy day is relaxing.
BAD: I'd rather be outside!

Who's in the doghouse?!

Mom left thirty minute early for work this morning.

Mom was an hour and a half late coming home from work.

Any other questions?

Do Golden Retrievers Smile?

I was reading somewhere on the doggynet, about a debate amongst humans... "Do golden retrievers smile?"...

What do YOU think?

Wise Words from President Truman

"If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." —President Harry S Truman

Seeing as how it's President's Day, and I didn't get to greet the mailman today (snicker), I had a little extra time to do some research.

Here's a list of animals who had Presidents:

George Washington: Polly the parrot; 36 hounds; horses
John Adams: horses
Thomas Jefferson: a mockingbird; two bear cubs, a gift from Lewis and Clark
James Madison: Macaw the parrot; sheep
James Monroe: a spaniel
John Quincy Adams: an alligator; silkworms
Andrew Jackson: horses named Truxton, Sam Patches, Emily, Lady Nashville, and Bolivia; Pol the parrot; ponies
Martin Van Buren: two tiger cubs
William Henry Harrison: a goat; a cow
John Tyler: Le Beau, a greyhound; a horse named The General
James Knox Polk: a horse
Zachary Taylor: Old Whitey the horse
James Buchanan: Lara, a Newfoundland; an eagle; an elephant
Abraham Lincoln: Jack the turkey; goats named Nanny and Nanko; ponies; cats; dogs; pigs; a white rabbit
Andrew Johnson: white mice (editor's note... ewwwwww!)
Ulysses S. Grant: Faithful, a Newfoundland; horses named Jeff Davis, Julia, Jennie, Mary, Butcher Boy, Cincinnatus, Egypt, and St. Louis; ponies named Reb and Billy Button; pigs; dogs; a parrot; roosters
Rutherford B. Hayes: Siam, a Siamese cat; Grim, a greyhound; Duke, an English mastiff; Hector, a Newfoundland; Dot, a terrier; canaries; cows; horses; goats; other dogs
James Garfield: Kit the horse; Veto (editor's note... snicker) the dog; fish
Grover Cleveland: a poodle; canaries and mockingbirds
Benjamin Harrison: Dash the dog; Whiskers the goat; dogs; an opossum
William McKinley: a parrot; an Angora cat and her kittens
Theodore Roosevelt: Sailor Boy, a Chesapeake Bay retriever (editor's note... close in my ancestry!); Manchu, a Pekingese; Skip, a mutt; terriers named Jack and Pete; cats named Tom Quartz and Slippers; Josiah the badger; Algonquin the pony; Eli the macaw; Jonathan the piebald rat (editor's note... did Sailor Boy know???) Emily Spinach, a garter snake; twelve horses; five bears; five guinea pigs; other snakes; two kangaroo rats; lizards; roosters; an owl; a flying squirrel; a raccoon; a coyote; a lion; a hyena; a zebra
William Taft: Pauline Wayne the cow
Woodrow Wilson: Old Ike the ram; sheep; chickens; cats
Warren Harding: Laddie Boy, an Airedale; Old Boy, a bulldog; canaries
Calvin Coolidge: Peter Pan, a terrier; Paul Pry (née Laddie Buck), an Airedale; Calamity Jane, a sheepdog; Boston Beans, a bulldog; King Cole, a shepherd; Palo Alto, a birder; collies named Rob Roy (née Oshkosh), Prudence Prim, Ruby Rough, and Bessie; chows named Blackberry and Tiny Tim; canaries named Nip, Tuck, and Snowflake; cats named Bounder, Tiger, and Blacky; raccoons named Rebecca and Horace; Ebeneezer, a donkey (Mom would love Ebeneezer); Smokey, a bobcat; Old Bill, a thrush; Enoch, a goose; a mockingbird; a bear; an antelope; a wallaby; a pygmy hippo; some lion cubs
Herbert Hoover: Glen, a collie; Yukon, a malamute; Patrick, an Irish wolfhound; Eaglehurst Gillette, a setter; Weejie, an elkhound; fox terriers named Big Ben and Sonnie; shepherds named King Tut and Pat; an opossum
Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Fala, a Scottish terrier; Meggie, a Scottish terrier; Major, a German shepherd; Winks, a Llewellyn setter; Tiny, an English sheepdog; President, a Great Dane; Blaze, a mastiff
Harry S Truman: Feller “the unwanted dog” (adopted by Truman's personal physician) (editor's note... evidently he didn't want a friend in Washington!); Mike, an Irish setter (belonged to Margaret Truman)
Dwight D. Eisenhower: Heidi, a Weimaraner
John F. Kennedy: Tom Kitten the cat; Robin the canary; Zsa Zsa the rabbit; Sardar the horse; ponies named Macaroni, Tex, and Leprechaun; parakeets named Bluebell and Marybelle; hamsters named Debbie and Billie; Charlie, a Welsh terrier, plus dogs named Pushinka, Shannon, Wolf, and Clipper, plus Pushinka and Charlie's pups: Blackie, Butterfly, Streaker, and White Tips
Lyndon Johnson: Him and Her, beagles; Freckles, a beagle (Him's pup); Blanco, a collie; Edgar, a mutt (née J. Edgar); Yuki, a mutt; hamsters and lovebirds
Richard Nixon: Checkers, a cocker spaniel; Vicky, a poodle; Pasha, a terrier; King Timahoe, an Irish setter; fish
Gerald Ford: Liberty, a Golden retriever (editor's note... smart man, President Ford!); Chan, a Siamese Cat
Jimmy Carter: Grits the dog; Misty Malarky Ying Yang, a Siamese cat
Ronald Reagan; Rex, a King Charles spaniel; Lucky, a Bouvier des Flandres sheepdog
George H. W. Bush: Millie, a Springer spaniel; Ranger, one of Millie's pups
Bill Clinton: Socks the cat; Buddy, a chocolate Labrador retriever
George W. Bush: Spot, a Springer spaniel, born in the White House in 1989 to George H. W. Bush's Millie (died Feb. 21, 2004); Barney, a Scottish terrier; India (“Willie”) the cat. The Bushes' orange-striped polydactyl cat Ernie was judged too wild for White House life and now lives with a family in California. In 2004, the President gave his wife Laura a Scottish terrier puppy named Miss Beazley for the First Lady's birthday.

Punxsutawney Phil was right! Winter is back!

Well, according to Ole Phil, we're in for another month of winter. At first I didn't believe him, since my yard is full of blooming azaleas, magnolias and lillies. But after this weekend, I think the ole boy knows what he's talking about!

According to legend, Groundhog Day is based on an old Scottish couplet: "If Candlemas Day is bright and clear, there'll be two winters in the year." So it goes that every February 2, people gather at Gobbler's Knob, a wooded (as opposed to grassy, I suppose) knoll just outside of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. And according to all who've witnessed, Phil ain't ever been wrong.

According to what I've read, Phil started making predictions in 1887, making him ONE OLD GROUNDHOG!

Green Retriever Puppy

Well, ain't that somethin'...
This little golden was born green!

Wasabi, (chuckle), the lil green pup,
was born to a Golden mom in Alhambro, California, last November.

To those that tend to worry...
Wasabi is completely healthy and doing just fine!

To those that tend to doubt...
the puppy really WAS born green!
And vets say that the coloration of the placenta, which is green,
rubbed off onto the pup's fur during birth.

If you're still curious... or skeptical... check out more photos here!

WOO WOO WOO... My Valentine from Sammy!

Sammy, MY BOYFRIEND...

I would never have thought him to be a shy boy,

but he had THIS VALENTINE GIFT delivered to me!

To Comet, From Sammy. Inscribed on a red heart.

Does this mean what I think it means?

My Sammy!

He knows the path to my heart runs straight through my tummy! He gave me YUMMIES!!!

I love cookies almost as much as...

I LOVE MY SAMMY!!!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.........

There's more to this story. Sammy also got a bath and a shave today! I've always been taken by his boyish good looks, but he's cutting quite a dapper figure this Valentine's Day!

I may woo woo woo him, and then play hard to get... but he knows how I feel!

SAMMY IS MY SPECIAL VALENTINE!

More Valentine's Love for Mom!

What can I say? I'm sneaky and I'm a real treasure in Mom's life (and so are my friends and family!)! I really get around. I sent this card from 150 miles north of here! THIS girl gets around!

Funny story about why I paw-wrote "purple" on the tail!

When my Mom came to see the stork for the first time, there were a bunch of us. She fell in love with me, but I was growing by leaps and bounds (literally) in those days. She spent a couple of hours with me, and was convinced that she and I were destined to play (out) our days together! I needed a little more time with my birth mother (which is a story for another day), so Mom went to the beach. Before leaving, she wanted to make sure I didn't change too much for her to recognize when she got back. So... she and Aunt Susan painted the tip of my tail with a permanent purple marker!

What Mom didn't count on was... I would never forget her! When she came walking up, all tanned and relaxed... I came a'running, purple tail and all! I wasn't going to let her leave without ME!

I love that ole gal!

For Mom on Valentine's Day

My Heart Belongs to YOU, Mom! This is the card I sent from 45 miles south of here. (She can't figure out how I get around, but I have my ways... and REALLY good friends!).

You gotta get "THE SCOOP"!

I love my new POOPER SCOOPER! It's called "THE SCOOP"!

(Who, in the world, do you suppose would steal my old one???)

From what I can tell, this model is highly effective in my yard with thick St Augustine grass... and also helpful to pick up those pesky pecan hulls that hurt my paws!

My POOPER SCOOPER OPERATOR is pretty swell, too!

goldens postulate no. 3

Windy days = Big Eye Boogies