Dear Diary: The Day After

The best part about the day after is that my eating and drinking privileges have been restored.

The worst part about the day after is that I will now be getting a squirt of this awful stuff in my mouth after every meal. It smells pretty good, though. If you don't believe me, sniff Mom. She's wearing it!

Dear Diary: Still Mopey

... and Mom thinks Im mad at her.

How could I be mad at Mom???

I wasn't crazy about yesterday.
I missed breakfast, was put in a jail cell,
had my blood drained and an EKG,
was made to take a nap... and I woke up with a sore mouf.
To add insult to injury, when I got home,
I was only given a sip of water every thirty minutes
and two small snacks of about one quarter each of my regular dinner.

It's just kinda hard to be lovey dovey after a day like that...
but I'm not mad at Mom!

Dear Diary: 2 Groggy 2 Bloggy

'S what I am.

Not 2 groggy 2 beg for food or drink
or 2 ask 2 go outside.
But 2 groggy 2 have meaningful dialogue.
I sure have pretty toofies, though.

OLD Photo with the dirty toofies.
I'm not in the mood, and Mom's too tired
to take a picture of the clean toofies... but stay tuned.

Dear Diary: Phone Message, Fear and...

Phone Message:

Ah oh. Miss Leslie left a message on the answering machine this morning, after Mom had left for work. I heard it. Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I will have my teeth cleaned. Tomorrow.

Fear:

I have none. Ok, I have a little. Not much, I said, just a little. Frankly, I'm more afraid of a morning without breakfast... but I will handle it like a trooper.

Mom's a little iffy. One minute she's fine. The next minute she's a little "teary".

And:

Could we please stop playing "Hug the puppy"????

Dear Diary: May Day... Lay Day!

According to what I'm hearing on the tv that Mom left on... today is historically meaningful to socialists and those who labor or something? Something about demonstrations?

Well... I'm very sociable, and I'm totally against my Mom's laborings... so I feel I must demonstrate.

Therefore... I shall lay in my chair until she comes home!

Dear Diary (while America is Idle)

Mom watches this silly show every Tuesday and Wednesday nights lately.

It features a lot of howlin', a little spittin', a dog impersonator (sometimes Afghan, sometimes unclipped Airedale, sometimes Rhodesian Ridgeback, and tonight... poodle!), and Dr. Doolittle's daughter... who's clearly got it goin' on!

So here's what I'm thinkin' and doin' while Mom is distracted with America Is Idle:

1. That new little dog in the back corner of the yard... is a nuisance. Doesn't she understand the rules of the Golden queendom?
2. I can really mop the floor with my Easter Bunny! Seriously, she rocks!
3. Ho hum ho hum with the text messaging, Mom!
4. Sighin' really big sighs. They're not altogether effective... but I DO get my head rubbed!
5. My birth mom's name was Haley... she bore not the slightest resemblance...

Dear Diary, Contract Renewed!

Mom came home with a PetsMart receipt for $89.26...

Along with a 35 pound bag of Science Diet Nature's Best Chicken,
twelve cans of Savory Chicken,
a Bottle of Glucosomine with Vitamin C,

and the news that my contract has been renewed!

(Of course, she says that every time she brings home food!...

She's such a tough negotiator!)

Dear Diary: Why We Need a Cat

I was just thinking it would be really cool if we had a cat around here...



Hat tip to Sammy! It was HIS idea!

Dear Diary

I spent an hour or so this morning doing a google search and then, ultimately, jotting letters to Macy's, JCPenney, Bed Bath & Beyond and other major retailers... pitching an ingenious product I'm developing.

I should probably keep this to myself until my patent comes through... but I know you, Dear Diary, can keep a secret!

My invention???

A kevlar comforter!

Dear Diary

I'm at peace with eating peoples foods... but now my Dingo chicken jerky is tainted with salmon-ella???

I'll join Mom in her march to Washington and the Effy-Dee-Ay over that one!

That just ain't right.

Dear Diary: Science Diet Recalls!

Along with very bad news there is also good news:

I am mere moments away from a life of
roasted duck with mango salsa!

Dear Diary: An Introduction

An idea for a new blog concept is born...

Credit for the nifty cartoon goes mostly to the folks that inscribed and tagged it...
but thanks also go to my pal who sent it to me in a gmail!