goldens rule no. 8

The more I go, the more I want... yea, the more I expect to go.

goldens rule no. 7

When Mom brushes you, roll over on your back. Your belly hair is the only thing she's interested in brushing. If she complains, look at her with your pitiful, but loving eyes.

goldens rule no. 6

Relish the luxury of having a full-time personal valet, maid, butler, doorman and concierge, especially on long weekends and Mom's vacation days.

goldens rule no. 5

Should the cable go out when you're all alone, notify the authorities (you know... Mom, with the opposable thumbs) immediately upon arrival. Static is NOT good, nor is missing Oprah!

goldens rule no. 3

Greet all guests with fervent enthusiasm and rapture.

goldens rule no. 2

Stop eating when you can't find any more food. (The exception, of course, is the discovery of a puff's tissue, preferably used).

goldens rule no. 1

Breakfast will be served promptly at 6:00am, Dinner at 6:00pm. (Exceptions only if meals are served earlier).