Other Fond Birthday Memories

Dinner In My Belly...
Peakin' Out the Window with Piggy Hoo Hoo

And now bedtime...
Wif Bunny, Piggy Hoo Hoo, My New Woostah... and my favawit waindeah...

It's been a most excellent day!

Birthday Loot: The Lineup

Missing in Action is Piggy Hoo Hoo...

(Pictured front row, left to right: Lammy 3 in Blue, Obby-Nockshus Woostah,
Birfday Bunny and Hank the Honkin Duck; back row: Flammy-Ingo in bikini).

I spy Piggy Hoo Hoo...!

And a special thanks to Auntie Dav for calling...
to Auntie M and ShineyBoBeany for calling and singing to me...
to Aunties W & KL, and TuTu for email wishes...
to Uncle Stevey for the special birthday message...
and for everyone who passed along good wishes to me through Mom!

Five Good Things About My Birthday!

One: Mom made it home a little early today!
Two: The landscape man came today! And I barked!
Three: Mowed lawn = Good shnoofin'!

Four: Foiling Photo Ops is good Birthday fun!

Five: Lemme In! And bring on the Birthday Hamburger!

Get the Party Started!

It's 6:00am,
MY BIRTHDAY
...and I got a bangin' (well, more like a honkin') bunny!

Mom is dressing like she's going to work.
Don't the people at the milk bone factory know it's my birthday???

Wake Up! It's My Birthday!

Wake up! It's 5:15am and it's my birthday!
I started my day my favorite way...

SMOOCHES,
MAMA HUMMING THE BIRTHDAY SONG...
AND WHISPERING THE TALE OF THE PURPLE TAIL!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow...

Somebody's celebrating a Birthday tomorrow!

Can't guess???
Here's a little a hint!

Yours truly, Miss C!

Scrapbook Photo Memory

Happy Day!

Sometimes...
when the news is sad, and the weather is gloomy...
you have to think about happy times!

And sometimes...
I just marvel at how pretty I am!

Today was a sad, sad day.

I don't understand evil... evil thoughts or evil ways.

I know sadness, though... and gratitude.
And tonight, I'll lie in bed,nestled in Mama's arms.
And I'll be grateful for every minute we spend together.

And we'll shed a tear and pray,
for those that lost their lives today.

Our sincere condolences, sympathy and prayers go out to
those touched by the tragic events on the Virginia Tech campus.
And we thank God that Uncle Patrick is ok.

Gosh... Blatant Golden Retriever Post

Wow. I guess I did Easter up so well that almost all my 'Ads by Google' are Easter ads, instead of golden retriever content!

This is my feable effort to beat the spybot system!

Golden retriever. Golden retriever. Golden retriever. Golden retriver. Golden retriever. And other dogs, too. Australian Shepherd, Pekingese, Jack Russell Terrier, Labrador Retriever, Rotweiller, Dachshund, Poodle, German Shepherd, Chow, German Short-haired Pointer, Airedale, Beagle, Rhodesian Ridgeback, Rat terrier, Shih Tzu, Pomeranian, Mutt, Heinz 57.

And for my kitty friends... Persian, Maine Coon, Tabby, Persian, Manx...

I know, I know... but even a sweet little golden retriever like me has to think about her college fund!

And while we're on that subject... clicking on the links under "Feed Me A Doggy Treat"... pays a teeny tiny portion of the future tuition for my journalism (more like creative writing) degree!

And it doesn't cost you anything to click the link! So click it click it click it click it click it... you get my point! >:-)

goldens postulate no. 4: a rebuttal to criticism

Having received a firestorm of rebukes, criticisms and skepticism, I must rebut (or repatooty, as the case may be!).

First, let me remind you of that famous quote by Phil Pastoret:

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give Fido only two of them.

Second, check THIS out!

And if you're still skeptical... this!

Late Breaking News... Death Toll Ticker

Sammy..... 15
Squirrels..... 0

goldens postulate no. 4: theory of economic relativity

E = (m x C) squared... x infinity

So... Mom spent $89.26 at PetsMart (or is that PetSmart) yesterday. And after she lugged in the all that food, she presented me with her receipt and muttered something about how I needed to get a job.

Well, that got me to thinking (disregarding taxes, because thank God, Uncle Sam ain't figured out how to tax ME yet!)

• $42.99 for 35 pounds of dry... @ 2 cups per day = 30 days, so $1.43 per day.
• $15.48 for 12 cans of wet... @ 1/2 can per day =24 days, so $0.65 per day.
• $23.99 for 120 tablets of glucosomine... @ 1 per day = 120 days, so $0.20 per day.
• $4.99 for Dingo Outback Bites... @ 2 per day = 21 days, so $0.24 per day.
• $4.49 for Buddy Biscuits... @ 1 per day = 28 days, so $0.16 per day.
• $5.00 (average) for one toy... @ 1 per 10 days, so $0.50 per day.

That adds up to a teeny weeny $3.18 per day.

Now if you add in doctor's bills, dental cleaning and miscellaneous treatments (heartworm and skeeter goop)...

• $700.00 per year... so $1.92 per day.

And that raises the total to a mere $5.10 per day. And applied to the theorem of economic relativity, here's how it plays out:

Entertainment (value) = (money x Comet) squared x infinity

E = ($5.10 x Comet) squared x infinity

E = PRICELESS

Dear Diary (while America is Idle)

Mom watches this silly show every Tuesday and Wednesday nights lately.

It features a lot of howlin', a little spittin', a dog impersonator (sometimes Afghan, sometimes unclipped Airedale, sometimes Rhodesian Ridgeback, and tonight... poodle!), and Dr. Doolittle's daughter... who's clearly got it goin' on!

So here's what I'm thinkin' and doin' while Mom is distracted with America Is Idle:

1. That new little dog in the back corner of the yard... is a nuisance. Doesn't she understand the rules of the Golden queendom?
2. I can really mop the floor with my Easter Bunny! Seriously, she rocks!
3. Ho hum ho hum with the text messaging, Mom!
4. Sighin' really big sighs. They're not altogether effective... but I DO get my head rubbed!
5. My birth mom's name was Haley... she bore not the slightest resemblance...

Dear Diary, Contract Renewed!

Mom came home with a PetsMart receipt for $89.26...

Along with a 35 pound bag of Science Diet Nature's Best Chicken,
twelve cans of Savory Chicken,
a Bottle of Glucosomine with Vitamin C,

and the news that my contract has been renewed!

(Of course, she says that every time she brings home food!...

She's such a tough negotiator!)

Easter Sunday and Rasslin' with the Bunny!

It's been a wonderful Easter Sunday!

I've been rasslin' with the Easter Bunny a large portion of the day! He's on the bed, he's off the bed... he's back on the bed... he's flying to the kitchen for breakfast... to the sofa... to the back door...!

Mom's been sneaking up behind me trying to document me in the act of bunny abuse, but I'm too smart. Heehee. You see, it's a cold, dark day... and by the time she gets the camera adjusted for the light, I'm behaving properly! Hehheh. I've really got her number!

Happy Easter All!

To everyone I love...
and to everyone else I've never met...

Graphic by Angi Laframboise
who has an online gallery of really great work!
Of course, her golden retriever t-shirts, buttons, journals, coffee cups
and a ton of other neat things... are just awesome!

Enough with the Easter Photos!

Gimme that Bunny!!!

(and the eggs she laid!)

Me and My Easter Basket!

I got an Easter Basket! I got an Easter Basket!

(And if you listen closely,
you can hear Mom saying
"Stay... Stay... Stay...".)

Easter Bunny Visits Early!

The Easter Bunny rang the doorbell tonight!

Mom and I briefly debated... for whom the basket was delivered!
The eggs would reveal the mystery!
As Mom dreamed of chocolate,
I dreamed of chicken, pork and beef...
and wheat gluten free, tasty treats!

And what to our wondering tastebuds do we find,
but healthy, holistic, corn and wheat free treats
(and not a speck of chocolate)
... ALL MINE!

Curious, Mom called Auntie S...
Did she see anything?
Well, yes... Auntie S happened on our front porch tonight...
and saw the Easter Bunny, delivering this basket!

Word on the street has it that my boyfriend,
Sammy, enjoyed the same bunny treats!
Word... Dude!

A special thanks to Auntie S for her generous support of,
and testimony in behalf of the Easter Bunny.

Dear Diary: Why We Need a Cat

I was just thinking it would be really cool if we had a cat around here...



Hat tip to Sammy! It was HIS idea!

Dear Diary

I spent an hour or so this morning doing a google search and then, ultimately, jotting letters to Macy's, JCPenney, Bed Bath & Beyond and other major retailers... pitching an ingenious product I'm developing.

I should probably keep this to myself until my patent comes through... but I know you, Dear Diary, can keep a secret!

My invention???

A kevlar comforter!

Dear Diary

Barrel racing on the bed is so much fun! I ran a clean and competitive round while Mom was in the shower this morning.

It seems, in my fervor for a personal best... I ripped the comforter slightly about 12". I tried to lay on it so that Mom wouldn't discover it until this afternoon, but alas... I got so happy about something else that I moved.

Mom said, and I quote... "I could just kill you... or crawl back in the bed and love you to death".

In her defense, that ole gal is pretty patient with me. And I guess if this were the first time, she wouldn't have taken the news so hard. In actuality, this will be the fifth comforter that we've had to lay to rest, but only the second one since January 6th.

You're wondering what Mom decided to do to me...

She sighed deeply, sat quietly on the end of the bed... and rubbed my head. And I gave her my repentant look. I'll do my best, I said...

Dear Diary

I'm at peace with eating peoples foods... but now my Dingo chicken jerky is tainted with salmon-ella???

I'll join Mom in her march to Washington and the Effy-Dee-Ay over that one!

That just ain't right.

Dear Diary: Science Diet Recalls!

Along with very bad news there is also good news:

I am mere moments away from a life of
roasted duck with mango salsa!

Dear Diary: An Introduction

An idea for a new blog concept is born...

Credit for the nifty cartoon goes mostly to the folks that inscribed and tagged it...
but thanks also go to my pal who sent it to me in a gmail!

Dial M for Mailman, Mischief & Mama!

A little thing happened today.

It was an ordinary day, by all other counts... until that shady mailman planted his capitalist propoganda into my mailbox... and what can I say...

Today I snapped.

Hear me out! For four years, he's tiptoed onto my porch in his eerily passive, yet oppressingly official blue uniform and sneaky shoes. He plants all manner of documents... catalogs, circulars and bills, in the metal box by my front door. To his credit, he occasionally brings cards that I send Mom... but for the most part, he delivers pure evil.

And today... I snapped.

What did I learn about hitting the window and barking with wild abandon? Well...

1. The alarm really works. Thank you Brinks!


2. Policemen take home intrusions seriously. (Shout out to Officer Dave!... Smooches!).


3. Mom can get home really fast when she's scared.


4. Auntie S, next door, is even faster.


5. It's probably not a good thing to bark wrecklessly (as if she's a burglar), when Mom can't remember the alarm password.


6. All in all, though, not a bad deal. Mailman at bay... Mom home early... and tons of attention!

Hmmmm... I may try this again tomorrow!

Toby Saves His Mom!

I jump on MY mom all the time,
but Toby really knows what he's doing!

Photo by Adelma Gregory-Bunnell / Cecil Whig via AP. Thanks!

Toby, a brilliant 2-year-old golden retriever, witnessed his Mom choking on an apple. She tried to perform the Heimlich on herself but wasn't successful. After she began beating on her chest, Toby sensed an emergency at hand, and took matters into his own paws.

He stood up on his hind feet, put his front paws on her shoulders, pushed her to the ground, and began to jump up and down on her chest. The apple dislodged and Toby licked his Mom's face to keep her from passing out!

For the record, I would do anything to rescue MY Mom, and I would have reacted the exact same way... except I would have also scarfed down the apple bite.

No need in letting a tasty treat go to waste!

Happy Happy Happy...

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Graphic by Angi Laframboise
who has an online gallery of really great work!
Of course, her golden retriever t-shirts, buttons, journals, coffee cups
and a ton of other neat things... are just awesome!
I just love 'em!
Click on the links and buy something!

Happy Valentine's Day, Mom!

You're not just my Mom...
You're my BFF!

Auntie D and yours truly have been sneaking around again!
She picked me up the other day and took me shopping!
Check out the swell card we picked out for Mom!
Girl-O-Girl was she surprsised!

My handwriting is improving... don't you think?

Merry Christmas to All...

And to All a Good Night!

As "legend" has it... this is pick-up night...
you know, the night that Santa comes back
and picks up toys from children who are not grateful...

So, let me begin by thanking everyone
who made my Christmas SPECIAL beyond my wildest dreams!

Thank you, Mom!

And thank you Aunties and God-Moms Kristi and Susan!
I'm truly sorry I've already killed the reindeer...
but at least he still rattles!

Thank you Auntie M and Shy-Knees!
Please know that Hippy lives well with me!
You MUST come for a playdate soon!

Thank you Auntie S, Uncle M and Sammy!
You know how I love couture...
and well, puppy baby has the most adorable squeaky!

And thank you Auntie D, Uncle B and cousin Lovey!
I adore the duck, mini effy and min-pin-gwin!
And while I'm not keen on Mom's visit to you on this specialist of days...
I also want to thank you for the mood she returns to me in,
and for the tasty foil wrapped foods she brings in tow!
It's a small price to pay for a solitary nap! :-)

All in all, it was a BLESSED Christmas Day!
Mom didn't get the Play Station 3 that I asked for...
but she told me, as we shmuggled tonight...

all she really wants is
continued good health and long days for us both!

Christmas Couture and My Gift from Sammy!

Christmas is full of surprises...
And so is Sammy!

Poised on sofa pillows, I am adorning Christmas couture from Sammy, and accessorized with reindeer antlers, strung with mock Christmas lights.

I love my festive new collar... but not as much as the soft, squeaking puppy baby that Sammy also gave me! If I seem a bit impatient here... it's because the baby lurks in the bedroom, calling me hither!

Merry Krinkle Christmas, Mom!

Reindeer Dog... Comet!

Mom has been scurrying around here, decorating my tree... and arriving home each day with exciting bags of goodies that I know are all for me! I'm allowed to root my nose through a few of them, but most are put away... far, far out of my reach.

Still... I decided to surprise her with another card!

My Mom loves and collects Krinkle ornaments, and it all started with Reindeer Dog.
You see, she and Auntie D have this tradition.
They spend one whole Saturday... away from me.
Ok, I'm not so keen on that part, but they go to some place called eeeevints...
and the great thing is that Mom comes back really happy...
loaded with bags and bags of neat things she hangs on my special tree.

I don't know what all they do on their expedition...
but this year Mom came home smelling like Cheddar! (more on that later!).

What Mom doesn't know... is that Auntie D and I have OUR traditions too...
We sneak off and buy really great things for Mom... like this card!

Merry Christmas, Mom!

Is this what you meant when you said I could have my own tree?

This is actually the first Christmas card I sent my Mom this year!
She loved it! And it was a terrific surprise!

The selection was quite easy as it both appropriately expresses my enthusiasm for the season and is reminiscent of the cards Mom sent out in celebration of my first Christmas!

And with a secretive trip down to the post office in Friendswood, I mailed this one off!
Thanks for the ride, Auntie D!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been a very good girl this year.
And please remember that you can't believe everything the mailman says...
nor take the lawn guy's word as gospel!
I believe it would behoove you to listen more carefully
to my more impartial references...
like Mom!

Christmas is a time of holy celebration and gratitude and, well... for asking for things you want.

And in the spirit of self reflection, I am providing you with a short list of my desires. If you can't deliver everything, please begin at the top of the list!

1. More one-on-one love, cuddle, play, story, laugh, talk, dance time with Mom.
2. More time with everyone I love... family and friends.
3. More songs about me, sung to me... by Mom.
4. More time in my yard!
5. More adventurous walks through the park and neighborhood.
6. Another adventurous vacation.
7. Soft and cute toys that squeak, rattle, talk and play hide-n-seek under the covers!
8. Cute collars, coats and outfits that I can don with pride.
9. Tasty treats I can gulp down... and long-lasting ones that I can hide under the sofa pillows.
10. And Santa, in the spirit of the season,
    please bring a PlayStation 3 for Mom.

Wet kisses, huge tail wags... and lots of love!

CoMeT

Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

How pretty I look in front of ye!

Don't let my glum look fool you.
I love posing in my new collar with holiday candy accents!
Mom bought us new hers and mine antlers... but I prefer hers to mine!

Mother's Day, About the Bike

Happy Mother's Day, Mom... sorta.

For the record... I didn't give her the bike.
I gave her the time to ride it.

And for the record, I'm not crazy about it.
I resign myself to it for now, but I think I can take it.
Eventually, she will leave for work.
If I can't chase it away, perhaps
I can clean my teeth with the tires.

Perhaps.

Working The Room at the Vet's Office: Bob Hope Would Be Proud!

I might have mentioned here before... I love to go. And today we went to the vet's office for my 6 month checkup and shots.

We left home during a break in this morning's storm. To show my appreciation to Mom, from the constraints of my backseat belt, I alternately rested my head on her shoulder and gently licked her cheek. Of course, I had to take the occasional break to shnooof the air conditioning!

We arrived at the vet's office to find a crowded waiting room. There were small dogs; there were large dogs. There were sick dogs; there were scared dogs. And they were all there to be entertained. So, for 53 minutes, much to Mom's dismay, entertain I did! I know my commands, and sit I shall... but there's not a command in the world to keep me from sweeping the floor with my tail and smiling, smiling, smiling! And if the occasional "woo woo woo" parts my lips, am I to blame?

I believe I brought a little sunshine into Betty's day, and she needed that since she was suffering from a mild case of sloopy poopy.

And the little PomPom, who had a fear of large dogs since one attacked her... I think my gentle kisses helped her overcome at least some of her fears. After all, she was willingly coming out of her little 'purse' to watch me!

And the two little chewawas couldn't keep their eyes off me!

Of course, there was the one brief intermission... when the Mom of the pit bull asked us to all move to one side of the room, because he was "cantankerous"... HER words, not MINE. MINE would be... scarey as hell! To everyone's relief, he passed right through the waiting room to a maximum security kennel.

My checkup was short, but pleasant. Dr. B was out of town, so I saw Dr. C. I like Dr. B a little better, only because she "gets" me and Mom. Dr. C is nice though, even though he seems a little suspicious of my good nature! So, I got a shot and a squirt up the nose. The good thing is that Dr. C won't get kennel cough either. No lumps, no bumps, good heart, clear lungs, a pokey in the rear and my nails clipped! I'm good for another 6 months!

The trip home was as the trip there. And the water bowl was a welcome sight at home!

The adventure, for whatever reason, seemed a little tiring for Mom. She went to lunch with Sammy's Mom and Dad (Sammy went to the vet this morning, too!). They must have left us home so they could commisserate or some such thing. And when she got home, we took a good long nap.

Ok, I'll admit it... I'm a little tired, too.

But the troops had to be entertained. It was the least I could do, given the opportunity and the circumstances. So long as there is need, the CSO (Comet Service Organization) show must go on!

But for now... I must rest and reflect on the day.

Ell Eee Tee Ess GO!

Perhaps you can tell from today's discussion topic... I've got GOING on my mind.

Me and Sammy and our moms went on a walk last night. And I think we should go on a walk tonight. I mean, we should, right?

I have tried all of the tricks. I have barked. I have bumped the leash hanging on the hook, repeatedly. I have stared Mom down. And I have sighed deeply.

And nothing. Absolutely NOTHING.

Mom seems real tired and has been on the phone non-stop... something about a meeting, question on a jobsite and my uncle in the hospital (he's ok, thank God!). She even talked to some man that must've done her wrong some time. That may have been the final straw.

I'm afraid the only place we're going tonight is... bed.

Sigh.

goldens rule no. 8

The more I go, the more I want... yea, the more I expect to go.

A Golden Girl's Thoughts On Going

I love going:

1. on vacations
2. camping
3. to the beach
4. to friends' houses
5. on walks
6. on playdates
7. to Petco / PetsMart
8. outside
9. to bed

There are exceptions. I don't like going:

1. On errands. I don't get it. You go and go and go and end up right back where you started. Makes no sense.
2. And being dropped off. Name the reason. It ain't good.

Pawsing With Skooochy

Skooochy

Sammy gave him to me for my birthday.

He's named that because that's the sound he makes.
He's an excellent wrestling partner, and I like to rest with him, too.
He fits into the window sill real good, and I like to rest my head on him.

(Check out my muddy paws. Mom almost had a heart attack when she caught me in this chair!)

Curling Up With Bob

My Birthday Present from ShineyBo!

Skweek Skweek Skweek Skweek!
Excellent vocal companion to the American Idol Contestants.
Text message VOTE to 530-BOB!

Love that Bob!

(Not so crazy about Mom's housekeeping! She's been making boxes again!)

My Birthday Gifts

The Lineup:

Skooochy, Big Frawgy, Chocklick Covered Do-nut (front), Bob, Ducky (aka Kenny), Flamingo in a Bikini, Funny Blue Bird, Jonah 5, Jonah 6, Jonah 7, Lil Frawgy

(You're probably wondering. Yes, Mom took this picture while I was outside).

So Check It Out, Dawg...!

Last night, I slept with the WackWack, the Easter Bunny, Jonah (of course), Bob, Frawgy and Skooochy! Oh yeah, and Mom!

Then this morning when Mom was in the shower, I reached in the bag that Shiney gave me and retrieved my little ducky! I don't know what I'm gonna call him yet, but for some reason, I'm thinking... Kenny!

Happy Birthday, Dear Comet!

Happy Birthday to Me!

I have, indeed, had a happy birthday.

I got to open presents from Auntie M and ShineyBo last night. They gave me a squeaky hedgehog, that I call Bob. And I got a ducky and a chocklick covered do-nut! Let the festivities begin!

Then early this morning, as I 'smuggled' my little head next to Mom's, she quietly hummed the birthday song to me, while I gently kept time with the tip of my tail.

Mom had to go to work at the milkbone factory (as usual), but she came home a little early to get the party started.

We kicked off the celebration with a little present opening. Mom had a big bag of toys for me, and I was ecstatic over each one. As is Mom's way, she let me pick one to play with immediately (I picked Frawgy) and she put the rest back in the bag, out of my reach. She did that she said because she "didn't want them to get spoiled". I'm sure it was 'them' she said... and certainly not ME!

So we were just kicking it with Frawgy, and I was secretly waiting on Mom to make me my traditional birthday hamburger... when the phone rang. It was Sam's mom. She said we should look out our front door. I did! And there was another bag of presents! My Sammy... he gave me a festive bandanna (with "LOVE" on it!), a collapsible water bowl for our walks, and a zebra that I call Skooochy!

I am ONE HAPPY GIRL! And I'm gonna round out my evening with a lot of loving, a lot of play, and a good ole hamburger!

What April 19th Means To Me

Wellington P Bonaparte

Wellington was my brother. He and I were born on the same day of different years. He was born in 1984, and I was born in 1999. I owe him the great fortune of the life I live, and I still pause wistfully at the mention of his name.

You see, Mom and Wellington were satisfied with their lives together. But when Aunt Susan, who was present at my birth, called to Mom that she had to have me... well, from what I hear, though reluctant, Mom considered the events some sort of divine calling.

I don't know if it was divine or not. What I do know is that Wellington, while not enthusiastic about a new protege/sister, was patient, tolerant and (he would kill me for saying this) very 'mothering'.

He was patient. He was kind. He was my protector. It was funny. He would let me get by with any indescretion, as long as Mom wasn't a witness. Once he saw her, he would growl to scold me.

He tried his best to teach me. I swear, he knew everything. He knew what to do and when. He tried to show me how to be, but I was a wee bit resistant, and a wee bit jealous.

What I know now is that he was trying to show my how to take care of Mom. You see, Wellington was the ONE constant in Mom's life. He saw her through all of her losses. He worried about her, and he stood strong for her. And I believe in the end, he entrusted her to me.

Don't ask me how I know... but Mom has a lot of undeveloped film, including many photos of Wellington and me together. I hope she'll have it developed so I can post them here...

Some Bunny Loves Me!

Easter morning is here!

Check out my Easter Basket!

The Easter Bunny left me toys... a bunny, a pink rooster, a purple bone, and a goose in a bikini! The rest of the basket is filled with Dingo treats!

I love that Easter Bunny! Happy Easter to all!

LIFE'S GOLDEN! HAPPY EASTER!

HAPPY EASTER!
***Mom found this cool new website!
It'S perfect for all of your shopping needs!
And by the by, it seems that someone you love
is celebrating a birthday soon!

My Much Anticipated Bath

Yes. It's a 'done deal'.
I spent the afternoon in the bathtub,
and in the bathroom with the blow dryer.

Now I smell heavenly,
and Mom smells like a wet dog

Golden Retrievers... Clumsy?

According to Planet Dog: a doglopedia, Golden Retrievers rank #8 in the list of the 10 Clumsiest Dogs!

I rather differ with that characterization! I prefer to think that I have an unbridled joy for life, and an unhibited, nonchalant, and playful disposition!

Here are the other maligned families:

1. Chocolate Labrador
2. Staffordshire Bull Terrier
3. Rottweiler
4. Springer Spaniel
5. German Shepherd crossbreed
6. Cocker Spaniel
7. German Shepherd
8. Golden Retriever
9. Border Collie
10. Yorkshire Terrier

A Golden Retriever Joke

A woman and her golden retriever walk into a pub and sidle up to the bar. The woman announces to the bartender that the golden can talk. The bartender says, "Ma'am, if you're dog can talk, I'll buy you both a beer!"

The woman says, "It's a deal!", turns to the golden retriver and asks, "What's the structure over our heads called?". The golden looks up, thinks a moment and says, "Roof".

The bartender is unimpressed. So, the woman turns again to the dog and asks, "Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?". The golden thinks a moment and replies, "Ruth".

With that answer, the bartender abruptly escorts both the woman and her dog to the curb, at which time the golden looks up at the bartender and says...

"DiMaggio?".

Mom Left Me Home Today...

when she went out to run errands. I was upset at first and I pouted a little.

But I danced my happy dance when she got home!

She brought home two boxes of Buddy Biscuits... Molasses Madness!

I love Mom.

THIS Golden Retriever's Thoughts on Grooming

Mom made casual mention that my good friend, Shy-knee, has an appointment for a day of beauty tomorrow, at her local salon. While she might have mentioned it casually, I know the point Mom was trying to make. And that made me paws to think about grooming.

While I am quite the ballerina and girly girl, and I take pride in my natural beauty and golden locks, I have very definite opinions about grooming rituals that are good and right... and those that are just plain overkill, even for a princess like me.

1. Full baths are an unnecessary evil. I mean, are these just an attempt to punish and humiliate me? What did I do so wrong??? Answer me that, and I'll take a bath willingly. Full baths can easily be avoided by graceful dips in lakewater, joyful leaps in the ocean surf, and even by dawdling outside in the spring rains! Besides, too many baths remove the natural oils that are necessary for a good coat. And I don't have to tell you how I feel about a good coat!
2. Blow drying should be a criminal offense. I'm all about the right to bear arms, but that gun oughta be outlawed. I'm willing to be corralled in a tight space in close proximity to Mom, so long as she's not armed with a brush in one hand and a blow dryer in the other!
3. A half bath (or as Mom calls it... a cheater's bath) ain't half bad. That's when she uses those fresh smelling paper things and wipes me down. The best things I can say about a half bath: it's over quick, I don't smell half bad when it's over, and it IS attention!
4. A spit bath is ideal. Lord knows that I love a spit bath. That's when Mom takes a wet washcloth and cleans around my mouth, ears, armpits and paws. I get these every night in the summer months, it's totally quick and painless, and a great way to cool down!
5. The hairbrush is alluring. Its sight makes my knees weaken, quite literally. Here are the rules: Head, ok. Ears, ok. Neck and back, great. Chest, great. Sides, good. Legs, you're pushing it. Backs of the legs and tail, OFF LIMITS! Remember, when you people go to the salon, you ALL sit and protect your backside. Where does it say that feathering must be without natural curl? Show me a book about the breed standard, and I'll bite your nose!
6. De-tangling is quick and relatively painless. I rarely get mats (maybe one or two in my life), but Mom has this comb that with one or two quick strokes... out comes a clump of hair. It's a small price to pay for protecting your behind while being brushed.
7. Having my teeth brushed isn't too bad, because the toothpaste... well, it tastes just like chicken (snicker)! And after all, I only have mine brushed once a week; Mom's teeth must be dirtier... she brushes them several times a day. Now THAT's overkill.
8. Having my teeth cleaned is another thing all together. I mean, is this grooming? Or SURGERY? First, I don't like Mom dropping me off ANYwhere. Second, they knock me out and scrape my teeth? I love that Mom picks me up and spends the rest of the day with me, but that's little consolation for the trauma.
9. Toe nail clipping is a good thing. I mean, I don't tread on hard surfaces so much, so my delicate nails sometimes need clipping (for my own comfort and for the sake of our 50 year old waxed hardwood floors). I don't know why Mom has such anxiety around the process... she will sometimes clip the tips, but most often takes me somewhere to have them clipped.
10. Nothing says loving like lotion on the paws. Yeah, I don't think it's all that necessary, but there is just something about your Mom rubbing lotion on your paws that makes you feel, not just pampered, but ADORED.
11. Eye boogies must be cleared immediately, if not sooner! Several times a day is a good schedule, depending on windy conditions, airborne allergens and the state of the dusty perimeter trail.

Of course, I will consult with my pal Shy-knees, to see how she feels about her "day of beauty". She might have a different take. After all... HER mom takes HER to a spa!!!!

Midnight Calling

I had a midnight calling last night. It wasn't pleasant.

I woke Mom up at midnight last night, with a pitiful whimper of pain. She got up immediately, disarmed the alarm and followed me outside.

I made a mad dash into the yard. It was a horrible case of sloopy poopy. Mom sat patiently and watched me. I returned to her and then to the door as soon as I thought it was over.

We went in and went back to bed. I laid very close to Mom. I heard her saying a prayer over me, and I rolled my head over to put my nose on her cheek. I heaved a loud sigh and went back to sleep, but I'm not so sure she did. I felt her checking on me the rest of the night... after all, she's a Mom.

I woke up with sunshine in my soul, Mom not so much so. She didn't feed me very much, and then she sat outside while I meandered and sniffed and did my daily routine. I didn't give her any reason to worry further, but something tells me she did... ALL DAY at work.

Sammy Takes The Lead By Five Noses

(and five tails!)

Sammy..........10

Comet..........5

Squirrels..........-15

Discounting death and annihilation, as I rather believe that Sammy is avenging the destruction, trespass and illegal inhabitancy of my abode/attic...

Isn't he an absolute hunk???!

A Golden Retriever's Thoughts: The Telephone

Daylight

Talk all you want, but let's go outside. You can sit on the porch and chat. I'll bark like a junkyard dog in sight of an intruder, but you go ahead and carry on your conversation!

Dark

Talk should be limited to brief conversations relating to the following subjects:

1. Sometimes there are emergencies, and I fully understand. I trust you in that regard and will remain as quiet as a mouse.
2. Scheduling a doggy friendly vacation.
3. Scheduling a playdate or walk in the park.
4. Scheduling my people to come stay with us.
5. Checking the stock of my favorite treats at the doggy grocery store.
6. Ordering cool toys by phone.
7. FOOD DELIVERIES! (I don't care... pizza, wings, Chinese... it's ALL good by me!).

All other occasions:

1. A ringing phone need not be answered. After all, you're on MY time now.
2. Should you take or make a call, my first defense is a demand to go outside, stir up my pals, stalk a frog, eat some poop, chase a rat, spot a possum, tree a cat... or if all else fails, hide and ignore Mom in a dark corner.
3. Otherwise, there's no better place for me than your lap.
4. It only takes one hand to hold a phone. Your other hand isn't doing anything, so rub my tummy while I wallow and snort loudly.
5. If that other hand remains idle...well, ignore me and I'll BARK.
6. Where IS my obnoxious talking (never-say-die) gorilla???! Or what about my gangster toys... "How ya doin, How ya doin, How ya doin"... and the notorious, "You talkin to me?, You talkin to me?, You talking to me?"???! In a pinch, my "I love you. I love you. I love you." heart will suffice.
7. Move the blinds around with your nose. For some reason, that's a sound that annoys people. (heehee).
8. Bark out the front window, with all of the emotion (joy, anger... whatever) in my heart, BARK!
9. If that fails, BARK out the back!
10. If that fails, bark in Mom's ear!
11. Circle the house restlessly, then disappear.
12. And when all else fails, plop down in desparation... sigh loudly and utilize the notorious GUILT TACTIC. It IS, after all, the tool that ALWAYS works.

A Golden Retriever's Thoughts: Sofa Pillows

As a puppy:

1. Great teething material.
2. Excellent substitution in warmer climates for snow.
3. Fun to attack and foil their diabolical plot.
4. Excellent hiding place for chewies.
5. If you have it, I want it.
6. If your head is on it, so must my whole body.

As an adult:

1. I don't get Mom's aesthetic arrangement.
2. Re-shaping square pillows is my specialty.
3. In a big chair, perfect under me.
4. If the chair is too small, the pillow goes on the floor.
5. On a sofa, a couple is all I need.
6. Best on the floor, in all instances, once the nap is over.
7. Those that impede the relaxation process are best on the floor.
8. Excellent hiding place for chewies.
9. If our head is on it, so must my whole body.

Golden Retriever Recipe for a Perfect Day

(16 things Mom could learn from me!)

Each day should consist of:

1. Leisurely waking.
2. A good stretch upon rising.
3. Smooching and lovey dovey time, a-plenty.
4. Two good, filling and timely meals (and maybe a snack or two in between).
5. Lots of cool fresh water.
6. Persnickety attention to the calls of nature. (hey... I can hold it forever, but when I go, I want to go in just the right place).
7. Lots of talking and a little singing.
8. Answering to the joy in your heart, however it may lead you.
9. Work a little and play a LOT.
10. A couple of nice peaceful naps, preferably in a dark room or even in a sunny window sill.
11. Curiosity and challenge, obsessing over neither, and dropping both for a run at the food bowl or the chance to smooch.
12. Wallowing and snorting. In fact, nothing's better than a good wet sneeze!
13. A little time (a very little time) spent on grooming.
14. A little running, a little television, a little window watching and a little barking.
15. A bone-deep sigh upon retiring for the night.
16. Peaceful slumber lying as close as possible to the one you love the most.

Blonde Joke

A Chow Chow friend of mine told me a funny joke
(my apologies in advance to all of Mom's cute blonde friends):

What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A Golden Retriever.

Update: Isaac Newton Studies

A note to those who check in regularly:
Isaac Newton Studies are still being conducted.
Stay tuned for further updates!

Activity v. Rest

Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction:

Activity v. Rest

Activity.
Ahem. I am a golden retriever. I am active. It's a fact to which there is no dispute. I believe my extreme level of activity is well documented in these web records. Visitors might sometimes think that I'm HYPERactive, due to my no-holds-barred enthusiasm and welcome-wagon sense of duty, but in reality, I'm just a very busy girl.

Rest.
What can I say? I sleep EVERY BIT AS HARD as I work and play.

If Isaac Newton Had Studied A Golden Retriever, Introduction

Sir Isaac Newton concluded: Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction.

It's been a rather dreary day today, and I've spent my Sunday divided in restless pursuit of restless squirrels balanced with peaceful contemplation of the laws of nature.

We watch quite a bit of news in this house and I've grown accustomed to ratings weeks, expose's and the fact that interest in sigh-ins is important to my generation.

So, this week I'll give you my interpretation of Sir Isaac Newton's theory, as it applies to the typical golden retriever. It's an interesting study, and I hope you will stay tuned.

Golden Retrievers and Their Celebrity Folks

This weekend is Oscar weekend, so I thought I'd sniff out my fellow goldens that have celebrity parents, and this is a little of what I dug up:

Star: Pamela Anderson

Cheeseburger (mmmmm): Jimmy Buffett

Sol: Neil Diamond

Fawn Hall (heehee): Dennis Quaid

Boomer (surprised Mom didn't name ME this!): Henry Stern (NYC Parks Commissioner)

Ajax (my competitor... get it???): Livingston Taylor (singer, songwriter and also multi-instrumental musician)

Pluto: John Larroquette

Molson (slurrrrrrp): Kristine Lily (1996 Olympic Gold Medallist in Soccer)